E20 Emerson Disposal Review

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

White & Gray Bathroom

Reflections

My thanks to all who have visited this Blog, who have contributed their comments and suggestions to enrich this testimony.
interest If any of you buy this book (Coexisting with ulcerative colitis) can write to hamaya7@gmail.com mail. Best regards Martina

Working For Bankers Life And Casualty Company

later: Economic Impact

When I started this testimony, my only intention was to share experience with people with this diagnosis or family close to them, to get a better feeling in the body and mind of those who face ulcerative colitis .
For me, writing this testimony, was a very healing process because I understand better, with another glance, the efforts of everyone involved in the event I had for me, as the center of the situation.
In this process, I reacquainted again with joy, grief, landscapes, scents, encounters that appeared in this live many years with a disease that, far from healing, stages evolved towards more difficult to control.
The reissue all this life experience gave me the opportunity to open and close cycles, separating what matters from what is simply superficial ...

In a medical journal extracted the following quote that I share with you: "there is no purely mental condition, a purely physical, is an episode that occurs in a living organism that is alive by virtue of the fact that in that body the psychic and the somatic are inextricably linked "

It would appear that the characteristics of be chronic disease, lead to stressful conditions that would come to explain the psychological disturbances that often we live.

While we are experiencing a flare and we added additional stress related to a problem or overworked this outbreak is greatly increased.
As this is a chronic disease the best way to tackle it is to hear that is, then accept it and learn to live with it, understand that our life projects can be carried out best if handled well cluster periods.
As a suggestion, I consider it important to practice a technique for "stress management" and be guided by a therapist or self-administered and participate in support groups.
I need for a physician to be locatable and available to respond to emergencies in order to manage outbreaks properly, quickly and effectively, without going through the emergency departments of a hospital where are not always physicians experienced in inflammatory bowel disease. One

my physicians told me that it is proper to man to seek new alternatives and treatment options in alternative medicine. Suggest not only traditional treatment abruptly stop and where possible they are supplementary.

I am aware that without the support of my family, chain prayers of friends, acquaintances, and people of good will and the presence of a team of physicians, who practiced all his knowledge, not been possible give this witness, which I hope to contribute to a better understanding of what happens to a patient suffering from this difficult evil.

Creatine Hair Extensions

family ... .. Fistula insists

I do not want to miss this disease has a large economic impact on family life especially in middle-class families and low.
The cost of treatment and care of a patient with ulcerative colitis or Crohn's are too high:
• Drugs: suppositories, immunosuppressants, I-salazina, sulfasalazine, antibiotics, and others.
• Food: You must be special and often supplemented with foodstuffs or food supplements that also have a high cost (vitamins, probiotics, Ensure or special patches le).
• Testing: scanner, MRI, CT scan, colonoscopy, biochemical profile, blood count, urine and others.
• Office visits: a query to the average month
• Hospitalizations: surgeries, intravenous and others sometimes make frequent hospital stay. • Other-Ostomized
: plates, bags, adhesives (change every five days.)

I asked if this disease is welcome to the AUGE plan but have not included, neither is considered a catastrophic illness.
All patients belong to FONASA, like me, we are economically disadvantaged, either by spending on drugs they do not have any kind of reimbursement, and private hospitalizations FONASA reimbursed a small amount.
For us as a family and three children in college, the economic side has been very complex. We have always been arranged in our expenses and we have given priority to food, education and health, depriving us of all other expenses not considered a priority.
Faced with all that was the first surgery had saved what is necessary to avoid being in debt as it was scheduled for surgery, but never thought any further surgery and hospitalization, medical consultations and medicines in a high cost, it really was a great temporary.
But we have been going well and canceling all fees on time.
I have to mention, the sustained effort of my husband, who never failed to meet the needs this disease has tremendous meaning, with alacrity and with redoubled efforts to provide timely assistance whenever I needed.
I thank God for it ... I am very grateful
doctors of the Catholic University, in their private consultations were very kind to me regarding their fees, often by providing free, with the same professionalism as noted previously.


Everything is reported as lived and felt

Dark Spots On Tongue Syphilis

be present with new pain ... ..

I spend two months with very little energy, walking at times I fall, I have plenty of vaginal and rectal pain, joint ankle, knee and wrist .
The Gastroenterologist doctor to examine me decide a consultation with a gynecologist, wants to know your opinion about vaginal fistula, I indicates low-dose corticosteroids.
The doctor gynecologist decides to make an examination under anesthesia reservoir, which involved a surgeon gastroenterologist and he believes that this fistula does not close with medications.
I return to the consulting surgeon's opinion gynecologist, he also agrees to make a decision together. Cree
that most likely would make the reservoir and leave the iliostomia permanently.
This time I am categorically I'm not ready for this surgery!
Dr. I say again that in all his medical experience and many cases it has involved only has two patients with this evolution to a recto-vaginal fistula. Ie belong to the rare type of patient, evolving into the most difficult of the disease.
comes the month of June 2008, I was hospitalized to undergo the screening test of the reservoir.
The result was that the fistula was very large, high flow, also had a narrow sector of the small intestine.
surgeon's diagnosis was that it was too complex to close the fistula and repair the narrowing of this segment of bowel, surgery would be higher again, and with an uncertain prognosis.
Gastroenterologist Dr. tells me that in terms of drugs had been used almost everything that could help my recovery, I therefore prescribed only for nefersil sulfasalazine and joint pain.
Yet the news was not so devastating, I felt I had traveled all the roads that could give me a better quality of life before me this review was a slight hope to close this fistula, which disrupted my daily life, I also iliostomía realized that would be part of my body.
It's been two months and finally I feel revived again. I'm taking sulfasalazine 1500mg, more probiotics, vitamins, loperamide, flows have decreased and the reservoir is swelling.
All blood tests and biochemical profile are fine.
I returned to work and I'm doing a relatively normal life, I am still uneasy about the loss of my sister Eliana, I feel a part of me went with her, but also to thank the life that my children have grown up healthy in them is not that genetics have hurt with this disease, and are each making their professional lives.

What Is The Cost Of Tungsten

A story that repeats: Facing another intervention

got to the hospital with severe pain, do not pass gas or stool, that afternoon I again awake emergency operating with iliostomia bag.
not progressing well and the second hospitalization week I discovered a bacterium, so I remain in isolation and with twenty days of intravenous antibiotics. These antibiotics are too strong and were only injected, there was no possibility of taking them orally, I do cures to drain the infected area three times daily rather spend my days doped for pain morphine injected me.
This time I know the second person to have this surgery with the same diagnosis, it is Ruby is about my age, know immediately empathize, is also married with children, all healthy, we talk and later she was able to restore intestinal transit and is stabilized. I
hospitalized over a month, I lost a lot of weight forty kilos, I have no energy, I can hardly stand up, I have to do together, there are many episodes that I remember, only sometimes I have some pictures that I feel as experiences in more lucid moments he felt the immense pain of losing my sister only to a few weeks of his departure could not understand his sudden death. Doctors and nurses who knew of my pain and complexity of my health, made all efforts to get me out of this state. Involved as medical equipment, endocrinologists, infectious disease specialists, surgeons, gastroenterologists, until I finally stabilized and I can leave the hospital.
treatment to follow is:
• flovacil antibiotics, loperamide, omeprazole, vitamins, probiotics,
• abdominal cures every day,
• medicines for depression,
• medical office again in a week.

Octopus Earring Gauge

Doctors propose, but God disposes ... otherwise. Another surgery

Homecoming appointment for medical consultation in a week, with soft diet, gastrointestinal protection, immunosuppressants, probiotics. Go
week and went to the surgeon's office, had several stools a day and I had no doubt that the fistula was still present. I commented
the doctor my fears and he decides to make a new test: the famous fistula recurs.
In those days, my sister was also hospitalized because he had been diagnosed with uterine cancer, she felt a sharp pain in my soul, my sister had always been very strong and a fool-proof health, feel in this situation so fragile, I refused to reality.
Now the two were in complex health conditions, her treatment with radiotherapy and in my case with all gastrointestinal discomfort inherent to the disease.
fed me porridge, forcing me to go to the bathroom often.
Every day, both health was deteriorating.
I wanted to accompany my sister in her treatment, but health conditions prevented me.
We communicated daily by phone and both we realized that despite saying that everything was under control, not convince us because we knew too. After three months
discomfort continued.
• I still have many bowel movements night and day, I feel very tired, and had entered a circle that could not handle:
• The feed had diarrhea anus and vagina
• By taking the anti-diarrhea, gut pain was intense.
discovered that if I did not eat anything, my gut did not suffer, but every day was more anorexic.
My mood was worst, and did not leave the house, would not accept visitors, less hanging out with my husband to any social activity.
This is due to being unable to control bowel movements vaginal odor I felt I did not want to sit at the table with my family, the smell haunted me forever.
In consultation with the gastroenterologist seeing a torpid still tells me
• Ensure food supplement,
• antibiotics
• immunosuppressive, and antidiarrheal

• • analgesics.
also told me the ability to close the fistula with a bio-material.
This new treatment is being done in the country so the results are still uncertain.
This procedure does not come to fruition, because the pains continued and found small collections so I have to discontinue immunosuppressants.
my sister's cancer was complicated, so that your physician decides emergency surgery with a lapidary result: My sister went in very poor condition of this surgery. His cancer had already branched out what they gave very few days of life. Given this intense pain
reiterate she was always very healthy, he could not accept this news, I just wanted to could have her in our home and take care in his last days.
My husband did not put any objection to this request I made (God bless him for this grace that was given me) and so, overnight at our house we implement anything that requires a terminally ill patient, that is, transform your room in a hospital room, with oxygen, serums, injections, nurse, medical care for pain.
was like being in a clinic, with the difference that was always accompanied by their sons, brothers, nephews.
She was happy to be with family, never told that his condition was terminal, but together we share these last days and died surrounded the whole family.
Unfortunately, we left a space impossible to fill.
fell into a deep depression and fifteen days after the death of my sister, I obstructs the intestine.

Dog Has Black Spot On Skin

more: try to close the Iliostomía and to end fistula

In the month of April 2007, re-admission to hospital for checkups and so close iliostomía, returning to have a normal intestinal transit. This was decided because the development had been good had recovered weight was 57 kilos. The surgeons made tests and x-ray pouchitis: results clarify that no leaks.
is, the fistula had closed
I felt very happy after prepare for the flag, they closed the iliostomía. This time, the awakening was more enjoyable.
Everyone is happy, including the medical staff, nursing and support staff who already know me and for all the times he had been hospitalized.
The first symptoms were intestinal gas by the vagina, ask the surgeons, they say that the reservoir reviewed well before surgery, and the fistula was closed, most likely to be postoperative discomforts and reservoir still did not fit well.
The answer left me quiet.
But spend a few days, these gases deposition continued and the first content out the anus and vagina. Once again I am very limited and sad, I can not understand what happened.
The surgeon insists that all is well and that the passage of time, everything would normalize.
insists it is too early to evaluate as they had done tests gave very precise information.

Getting People Pregnant Games

fistula enemy becomes resistant

doctor decided to do a check to see whether or not the fistula was closed, for this I did an MRI, resulted in the fistula still existed. After a medical board with the surgeon, concluded that the solution is always surgery by allowing a pair of months to see if the fistula fails to close.
Months passed and nothing changed. Again entrance hall to close a fistula.
This surgery was complicated and went home very happy and was back with my family.
That night I realized that I get a lot of anal-vaginal deposition, I get scared and cry a lot, my family could not find the words to comfort me. I felt that everything had been a failure. Fernando
called the surgeon explaining the situation. The advised me to return to the hospital to know what happened, to whether I should go quickly to santiago medical advice.
Can you imagine what those trips? Can you imagine how Fernando is stressed out? Can you imagine the embarrassment of the children? Can you imagine how my confidence falters?
The doctor examined me thoroughly and told me that surgery is fine, and it is likely that the bag had been misplaced iliostomía and part of the content would have gone out into the anus and the fistula had been closed properly. This was nothing serious and sometimes happen.
The surgeon reassured me to believe that he sees a good prognosis and that surgery would be healing in about two months. Indeed
over the months went flows. I made a completely normal life, until I realized I needed a vacation from to time, we went with Fernando few weeks Spa at the maximum enjoyment, we traveled south of our country. Have a iliostomía
was no problem, use a bathing suit without limitation, the bag really is hardly noticeable, the food was delicious, all I wanted to try, I gained a few kilos.

Invitation Wording Pay

I decided that the visit to hell was necessary

(Published in the Daily Reporter 20.05.09)

Sunset, and multicolor reflection moderated anxiety, the shock, anger unprecedented that it overshadowed everything ... dream, fantasy and even sadness. Sunset, and winter was just a station, an accident, an unnecessary event smeared all, every afternoon. She was beautiful, the queen of her group, the "mommy" ... as he said. It was the center of attention, the convergence of the eyes. At 19, he was admired, imitated, desired. His dream: to succeed in modeling, be moderator of a TV show, do something novel. He read an ad for a casting, came to the appointment and when he looked to the other, I knew the opportunity would be theirs. He put on his suit and patterned cocktail. She put on her bikini and shocked members of the jury. She felt that the hotel room where he chose to take the first step to become famous, dazzling. She was sent to a sort of clubhouse and there appeared to him strange that one of the promoters. He asked to be as bold he could to see how far I could get her role in a soap opera. She was carried away by fantasy. They gave him something to drink. When he awoke, his was a video. Blackmail more than a working proposition, a dream and a life shattered by those willing to convert accused of a trade commodity rather special. Was filled with doubts, nightmares. Then relied on the possibility of forgetting. He denied that lived, but not damaged. He shouted, but nobody listened. She wept, and nobody was with him .... It was too late, and was very hurt to tell the world why its new silence. In his last clouds, we wanted less. There was no light, just a reflection that dazzled you suffered. That hatred for so many setbacks. That final drowning, of having failed to stop in time. Days passed, and the consistent winds that whipped their sorrows, announced a new fog horn. The meat, she died first, was the prelude to his misery. The starting point of that detested mouth in mind that even those who loved him, he pointed harsh. It was like the announcement that his life would be like from that moment. Wrapped in lies, was steeped in hypocrisy, and the smearing of anxieties felt that there was more moral than the circumstances. An error, even if unintentional, could be the starting point some early end. It does not feel beautiful, not Mommy. Watch the recorded video on it, and vomits. Feel slut. Shameless harlot. Cheap prostitute. Those who courted, turned away. To top it off, but paid for the copy you have - with money and with your body-someone uploaded the video to internet and cell divided by the direction where to look. As few will believe his version. He has learned a grim lesson. ... And in the worst way.

"I wrote a couple of times by arranging an interview that frustrates their absence. After several weeks, goes to a new appointment. He is very young. Very beautiful. Cover international journal, I think. Tell me, what's wrong? ... I say.
- no where to start. I am very sorry I have to tell.

- Is it so serious with you?
- Yes, Graduate. Late last year, was called a casting call for aspiring models and actresses in a hotel in this city. My dream has always been a model. My colleagues, my friends say that I can be an international model. I have always believed that I have the physical layout and the talent to be. Or a TV moderator, or a soap opera actress. I've always been the queen of my course. The bride's Club where my parents are partners. Encouraged by what many dream of mine since young. Also I have a talent for dancing. Since childhood I did flamenco in one of the local academies and that allowed me to have grace in body movement and hands. I am also one of the best students in my class. Maquillo my friends. I say this as a combined ... I've always felt that it was made for this world. That was like my natural habitat.

- What happened in the casting?
- Well, you had to keep a photo album, a party dress with shoes and accessories, casual wear and bathing suit, preferably bikinis. I take several rounds of clothing. I wanted to be the best, and felt I had to do, graduate. I applauded the party dress. With casual attire. When I played with bikini model, I was a dental floss which left the jury view of my body, I have been outlining exercises, gyms and which I am proud. I have nothing artificial, just a touch on "boobs." I felt I had applauded more than the others. I was the winner. After the last parade was happening to us a sort of clubhouse for interviews and measurements. I really played anyone of the jury that as he was gay, he gave me confidence. I knew there would be molesters. That was not green behind those old excuse to approach. I spoke of my possibilities, they could help me ... my body, my face, my smile, my movement ... and while he spoke, I looked almost as Hollywood. These guys have a labia, graduate, and is not story!.

- You proposed something? Are you invited to a party? Have you uncomfortable conversation?
- No. I also asked, very naturally, yes I was a virgin. If he had any sexual experience

- Were you surprised?
- No. I thought that question was mainly to know if I was crazy or not. Whether self- or not ... what do I know?

- What you say?
- That it was very intimate things of every person

- And what did he say?
- Nothing. I asked about boyfriends. Dad's work, dreams, etc. Asked a couple of juices. One of strawberry for me and a peach for him. I took my juice ... and soon, I did not hear anything from me.

- Nothing?
- Nothing. I woke up, did not know where I was or what time it was. She was alone in a room in another hotel, naked and obvious signs of having been sexually violated. Beside the bed was my clothes, and a paper with an address and time of interview, with a note saying "do not miss ... for you!". I called reception to ask if they knew how he got there, and I said in the company of someone who canceled the room and left him to go that he had to leave and not to worry. Do not forget to read a piece of paper that I had left. I cried. I took a shower ... I checked my phone and had some calls. One with a short video where he appeared doing things or tell him ... and the recommendation to attend the interview. Also, to keep quiet so that no else to see the video, evidently made with a phone. I cried again. I vomited. Cursed ... I called my closest friend who showed up at the hotel. When accompanied the manager up, to whom he explained. He offered to call the police, but please wait until I talk to my parents so that the blow was not so hard for them. We left my friend's house, where I swam many times over. I was angry. Hate. I was the most shrewd, look how I fell. We decided not to tell anything until we talked to the guy. My friend and I went to the mall where we cited. When we were in the cafeteria, my phone rings and the guy tells me which meets with me, but one ... and she could not be that late, because you do not know if I'm going to lay a trap. The next day on a site that would tell me last time, and alone. Because if not, going to upload the video to the Internet. So I did. In the midst of the storm raging in my mind.

- Do not you talk to your parents?
- No Degree. They always had opposed that I devoted to modeling. I always said that this was a perverted middle world. That drug in that environment, homosexuality, sex, alcohol was the currency ... can you imagine?

- And with the guy?
- Yeah But was not the gay who interviewed me. He was a guy like 28, well dressed. Courteous manners. Came to the table and I wanted to hit, I wanted to spit on that damned before I speak. But I refrained. Although I could not hold back the tears .,..¿ Why me? ... I asked. "Because you're too good my love," he said. I tried to slap me and grabbed my hand ... "quiet, not make things worse." I was filled with patiently and listened. Let me see in a notebook he carried three videos of mine. Where I appeared which porn star, making two types of everything. All the aberrations that you are likely to occur. Albeit with a lost look, seemed to be participating.

- Did not remember anything? Not even the video did you remember?
- Bachelor No, nothing. I was in a kind of threesome making love in all forms, and all possible aberrations. Some shots my nude, and sleeping. But I tell you that neither poses. I cried, understanding the package that was involved. Although after the video knew what I had done a mental exercise to keep his temper, almost lost. Total I calmed down and the guy told me ... "look at it this way, you were wrong ... and maybe this video will help your dream of becoming an actress Roxana Diaz look after video porno-much stronger than this, "became famous internationally, he gets a ticket and no censorship" ... ... then I asked him what do you want? Little in relation to the harm that can make that video. Get yourself five million Bolivars (from before) and spends a Saturday with me. If not, I will upload to the Internet, I will send your parents and all your friends. I told him I had no money. I said, go see what you get and you give me this Friday at the hotel when we go. And I miss you and you of what is in the video. He stood and left. My friend who was nearby, came to the table and hugged me ... it almost hysterical.

- What did you decide?
- I talk to my parents but again dismissed for the reasons I explained. I decided to find some money, and please you to awaken from the nightmare. That was among the worst ... the least bad. Because it is limited, so I thought at that time, a couple of hours of torture in exchange for what was to remain in the minds and consideration of my friends and my family. I decided that torture, that the visit to hell, was necessary. The other was a thousand times worse. I sold some things of mine, I asked some friends and met some two million Bolivars. I went to the new appointment and went with him. This time Acarigua a hotel. When the road we thought it would kill me ... but I controlled myself and showed him no fear. He said nothing the whole way. Even asked me how much money he had. We arrived at a seedy hotel and entered a room. Did you bring me the money? He asked. Only two million. Ah hell, I said. Then you have to behave like little whore itself to compensate. They gave me terror and began to mourn. But I could not scream. Look, I tried ... but I graduated out the voice. I was terrified. Was terrified. Both the guy approached me, I undressed and offered no resistance. He asked me to kiss him and I could not just cry. He asked me to touch it and I was trembling with fear. As could be placed on top of me trying to have sex with me, but eventually stopped and told me ... at least make me oral sex, to save you. I give you five minutes for that. And I, lost in an unspeakable terror. It forced me to do it and I cried. Slapped me, pulled me by the hair ... but could not. Until he left, taking the money. As I left, I took a car and came to Barquisimeto. Call my friend and I said, it was horrible, but I think that ended the nightmare for the guy took the money. She said, I think not. Go there and tell you. When he arrived, he told me. In four of our phones friends, was the video.

- How did you react?
- I had no tears ... there I did was resign. I told my friend, that is what God wants.

- Your parents know you already?
- Yes

- How did they react?
. As parents, as friends, as people who love me. They have helped me a lot. Do not have doubted my version. I only have reprimanded for not having had time, what I would have avoided the second hell. Also most of my friends. Some of my friends if they have reacted rather differently. They came out of envy. This morbid enjoyment with schadenfreude. That "look at her, so sobradita her, and recorded it rolling with some guys." It has been a steep learning curve, but learning. Today I know who my friends. I know you have to weigh the consequences of dreams, if they are not streamlined. Also you have to rely on parents and suspicious of anyone who praises us, especially if we are to know. That is not the main body beauty. And to be seen, to be "buenota" is somehow a way to create temptations of others. And the only casting those who can go is to the well-known television, theater groups and never alone path ... always, with any of parents for the savvy is put a brake. That to be recognized and respected the beauty is not enough. We must learn to love intelligence. Aid that although a pretty face and a beautiful body, sometimes, as in my case is the ideal way to quench some aberrations in a full rot. Post my history degree, so that the girls have the same dreams of mine to take care and do not take risks. That world of the reflectors is attractive ... but very dangerous!

has known, in the worst way, that dark place where the meat makes tricks to hell and pain, is only an ally of those in their perversion, they stop at nothing to calm their instincts. He has known the place they inhabit the darkest shadows. How can a dream become a nightmare, just not taking all expectations. Also how can tarnish the good fortune, wealth, happiness just because being "the mommy" hormones deranged rampage in a perverted trade. How to doubt the trust of parents, forced to repeat the storm, the mud, the world of excrement who suffered a second time and that a request for help in time, would surely have been avoided. He had to learn from the more regrettable as the skin, instinct, sex, when distorted is capable of committing the worst outrages many. Not enough to be very nice. Or win a contest to be admired, if the way someone uses it to blackmail and prostitution. However, it has matured enough to perceive their error. His tragedy. And make this black episode in his life a painful training session today can, for the benefit of others share, up from pain ... pedagogically.

Text For A Christening Card

In my 22 years I am not

(Published in the Daily Reporter on 5/13/2009)

In my 22 years I am not legally


Víctor M. Barranco C.

Others. As brought from the street, the other headlight, the other night ... the other day. That other part where the lilies are dressed in a strange and unfamiliar color. As pulled from the gods, of which light up the night, silence, sadness, the loneliness of always accompanying every afternoon and every winter. Has 22 years of living, although not legally exist. He has been sculpting his life inch by inch, bit by bit. Look back, and there is a clear memory unable ashy family, home, children or family affection. From six years has found new families, brothers route, parents of affection. Spastic paraplegia and neurogenic bladder forced him Transverse Myelopathy to use a wheelchair, but not prevented from studying, working, and build an efficient and useful life. In Honim, has the love, guidance, support and the opportunity to study that has made him a good man. However, he studied high school but can not be a bachelor. Can and want to work, but has no access to an ID card, things get difficult. It is a living testimony, exemplary of a useful man. Smart. Zamarro. A little shy, but do not load in the trunk or frustration, or rage, no unnecessary weight. He is the son of that legion beautiful hand of the Father Fernando Santamaria, with the help of men of good will, they create family, love, friendship, belief, faith, principles, profession ... where there has been long absences, gaps and shortcomings. However it is in legal limbo ... strayed from formal citizenship. As lost in so many years, so sidewalks, paths hands so many days of absence. Although with a smile on this, some ignorance of its past, but with that cry of faith in the future that is contagious. That avoids the difficulties and done with and talent available, safe way to hope. Does not deny his disability, he feels that his reality has always been, and not bitter. It is the everyday. No storms on your conscience ... hurricanes rather beautiful and reciprocal love, in the development of its youth. Has discovered to his right, after many years in the home, a place where there are spaces for flowers, for the awakening gay, for sharing with selfless, to make great small dreams ... a place where love plums off any possible sadness. Has discovered a life, a family, study, work, love, many affections, another night, another thirsty ... and although not legally exist, for now, know that thanks to such good faith is waiting to be born into a new day ... when there is only master of his life, but also of their identity.

"His name is Luis ... Maria Elena, Executive of the report, I referred to it. Accompanying Fabiola, who gave him a job opportunity. In control of his wheelchair comes into my office and talked of his strange legal situation ... has 22 years of living, but not legally exist How is that Luis, who did not legally exist? ...
asked - Yes, I said. I have 22 years, but I have no identity card or birth certificate. Only one record of the hospital where I was born. A life history is summarized from one to six years with an aunt, six to nine years in a home in Caracas and nine years now that I have twenty-two, in here in Barquisimeto
HONIM

- Never had ...
- No. I've looked at all levels, and do not exist. Even I have a no-show record signed by the Head Office of the Metropolitan District Sucre Parish

- Do you have a family memory?
- I have references and family memories. What I know is from what I found out after bigger, looking for how to recover my identity ... for some need or curiosity to know more about my childhood. I remember nothing.

- Nothing?
- Well ... I know, as I said, I was with an aunt until age six. I understand it due to financial problems I could have more and took me to Home Heart of Jesus in Caracas. I was there nearly three years. From there they sent me Honim, where I have lived 13 years. So I can summarize the story of who I am. There are no more references. Or memories. Or records. Or paper of any kind to help me in this need I have to legally exist.

- Did you meet your parents?
- No, no I met them, nor do I have no signal, no recollection of them. Do not even know how they are, or how they were. Even where they are. Or where they lived. Moreover, do not even know where I lived Caracas site with my aunt.

- Have you heard from your aunt? Do you have visited in the HONIM? Have you sought any contact with you? "Know your health?
- No. She disowned me when I handed the home and from that moment, I never knew anything more about her.

- So, I say, surely they were not only economic problems. Because he could see at some point during these 16 years you left home ...
- probably

- How have you been in the HONIM?
- Okay. They have treated me excellently as to all. They have given me a life. Knowledge. Affection. An opportunity to study. A chance to work. I have a family. I grew up there, I've got a good man. I have been trained. I learned everything I know.

- Where did you study?
- first studied Manuela Duin, and high school in the Lyceum Alirio Ugarte Pelayo. Even finished it.

- So, you are Bachelor?
- No, I can not be until they have my papers. So who does not carry a card. Until there is a citizen. I have the record of my notes. Certificates of my studies, but I can not access the title until I writ ....

- How did you do to study? Why register?
- With a record that gave me the HONIM could enroll and study ... but I can not access the formal graduation until my legal situation is regularized. Note that I have presented an opportunity to work, and I can not regularize my employment because I have no papers.

- Where you get that job opportunity?
- With Mrs. Fabiola who brought me here, to his office and who has cared much for me to resolve my situation to continue in Stop Parking on Avenida Lara Financial Center Las Vegas.

- What are you doing there?
"I'm in a program of cooperation. In the accounting ... "well very efficiently "notes Fabiola. Who feels, has achieved an empathy, an affection with Luis ... who help beyond any formal duty of an employer.

- Are you going to stay in school?
- It is my wish, my dream, the goal of my life .... Are my plans. But I can not enter the university. I need a card that I have to register. I'm not allowed to enroll without that requirement. Not exist, simply do not exist legally.

- Do you ever have asked for the card on the street? At any site you're gone?
- So far the times I have begged, I'm always with someone. Also responsible for a record of HONIM

- How do you know that your name is Luis, if you have papers?
- Well, he laughs, I've always called that. And a certificate from the hospital rescued Dr. José Gregorio Hernández de Caracas where he says he called me and Luis Enrique was born on January 31, 1987

- When did you start worrying about what identity? When did you felt it was vital to achieve recognition as a citizen?
- When I left high school and could not graduate. When I tried to follow in college and I was unable to enroll. Now that I am presented with this opportunity to work, and must resolve to move forward. Once in full use of my reason and my life, at twenty years, I realize that I am alive but not legally.

- Do you remember anything from your childhood, those six years with your aunt?
- Very little of that stage of my life barely remember anything

- Do you remember a cousin, a brother, someone else, besides your aunt who has lived with you?
- No

- Why do you think he broke the affection of your aunt? Why not see you more after you gave the home?
- not that I have not stopped to think about these things ... are not of my interest. Nor was no need for me to stop and think about them.

- What is the closest person to you?
- My fellow

HONIM

- Who do you advise? Who guides you?
- Father Fernando Santamaría

- You got a girlfriend?
- Currently there

- Have you had a girlfriend?
- Yes

- How do you see your future?
- I want to become a professional psychology. An independent man. Raise a family. While not break my bond with the HONIM ... they are my family.

- What steps have you done to rectify your situation?
- We went to Caracas several times, but have been very difficult to make progress in achieving the documentation I require without living there. It is not easy for someone like me without more resources, disabled, often move to Caracas to fill. Although I have been helped by the Father and Mrs. Fabiola now has been very difficult.

- your case is very strange .... I say
- Well ... not so much in the HONIM there are several in the same situation, though much younger than me, but pending citizens can be formal, with all their rights.

- I interrupt the conversation and say I'm going to call a lawyer friend who always unselfishly helped me in these cases. Dr. Henry Alviarez called, and his presence brought the case by telephone. I made some legal considerations, and prompted calls me Luis and Mrs. Fabiola to be called ... he, like many other times in these situations-is going to take care of the case without that Luis has nothing to pay. And it estimates that by next year, Louis will no longer be a phantom, and brand will become a citizen. A common gesture in Dr. Alviarez, I appreciate deeply. Communicate it to those of Luis and Fabiola soon begin to think - this time I think rightly, that started the countdown ... What do you think, I wonder?
- Excellent. Grateful to the Doctor, who can solve the big problem ... the main obstacle that prevents me from moving forward in my personal and professional development.

What dismissal. Now with a smile, on the threshold of hope. I feel that their world is dawning. Again, Dawn. And there in the solitude and silence, the love turns to soak everything in some way. The new outstretched hand, with which he has achieved in the HONIM, can afford to leave behind At night, the sadness, the old portrait of the forgotten book. Advance and grow without stopping at the root, without pruning and branches collected to guess the way ... without having to go to consolidate the future, play some consideration to the past. In his mind, body, in that chair that goes with it as a tool of locomotion, in that place where ghosts lived for a long time ... there is an opportunity for the imposition of new hope, a smile, that dull the nightmares many years of rain-water have ended up in some way, the progress of frustration and sadness. Finally going to be him. No doubt. Will legally redeemed. To trust. To feel the onset of the good things fill your time. A reciprocate all the love received in the HONIM, joys, lessons, warmth, faith ... the ride that next to God that, at some point, definitive cure for the road and am full of the living space of the new notebook . Sunrise, for him, surely dawn. And there, between the difficulty and achievement, along with the family that has built its strength from a good man, and generous helping hand to those who help .... I'm sure hope, will cease to be for him ... the more everyday dreams.

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I had to close their eyes Sometimes our parents

(Published in the Daily Reporter on 06/05/2009)

I had to close their eyes

Víctor M. Barranco C.

's Watching forever, even though he was only 15 years. The tragedy sounded hollow, dark, incredible and even aloof. There was in this garden or the smell or the brilliance of his youth, or that package of dreams, wake up, I shared with him as he grew older. Just a mattress of wood and candlelight inevitable. The sound of the distance, it was just a rumor learned new sorrows. Today, with the inevitable, go with that clothing full of such great pain that now scrambling because of whom, apparently over a few drinks, he killed her with his car, wounding one and his cousin fled. The left lying and bleeding on the ground, without shame, without remorse, without providing the assistance required. Victims of their recklessness. From double. Winding when on a sidewalk, and if any stranded maybe ... because there is no finger worse than consciousness. Today, behind his eyelids, with that slow walking who should definitely leave the smiles, invents times to his wife and wanders through the corridors of the judiciary trying to get justice. His only daughter. Your beautiful angel. Torn from life, badly. So in the end, in the place where your love hurt, the lights are now only flashes blinded and that hurt the shadow which has sheltered temporarily to avoid the pain that permeates his bones in a strange perverse. It was. He closed his eyes. In the cold environment of a morgue where the pain must also fight the vultures, commission, carrion dwelling in these environments despite trying to take advantage of others, also felt the despair of the misery and ingratitude of the experience. And that foul atmosphere of those who, without shame, without embarrassment, traffic in the return of the remains of loved ones. Every hour was a new accusation. Discover that amid the worst nightmare, not only the shamelessness of those who killed his daughter and wounded his nephew escaped without any remorse, but the impunity that checking, shakes his insomnia every new night. In its report, the charging papers, the research made in the reports, the record is much more than a trace. The steps mark the tragedy felt. That sinister tread of those walking, are trying to erase the trail. Red wine that car, where you try to erase the sins of so much misery busy. They finished with your family, your dreams, dreams of it, and the child still suffer the consequences of winding. For now, it only is a document, a witness, a pit, smiles, dreams and hopes for her ... battling in his heart and his mind, with that wooden box able to witness his death. Early. Unfair. Irresponsible and unpunished. The abortion in the morning ... and despite all the evidence, irresponsibility realenga, enjoying, threatening ... playing to impunity and forgetfulness.

"I write to my mail and I said: It is very likely that the mere fact of receiving these lines do not remember who I am, but if you interview me to see me I'm sure it will. In recent days I have tried to locate it but I failed, I went to Prom and even my father did leave a note at home with the caretaker. I understand that because public person, there are many faces you see and have seen somewhere and not know where. To help you, since I am unemployed, I worked as a waiter and many times was I who attended ... On another occasion I wrote to your mail to discuss the clappers of the transit tax ... and you even mentioned me in his column on Wednesdays. I intend to communicate with you on this occasion relates to mourn a tragic fact that my soul and my wife, as well as the relatives near and far, in addition to the friends that I like make public knowledge and thank the entire community for the support Cabudare great and volunteer to have felt after what happened that fateful Saturday 09/03/1928. We agree to an interview, come to my office and tell me ....

- A November 22 my wife gave birth to a beautiful, beautiful girl who always wanted to know who had the name of the start of the World, as indicated by the Bible: "Genesis." With this name, I always wanted to pay tribute, as it was a blessed gift of the first grandchild of both families, and also only around for his uncles and therefore our only daughter. The days passed and with them came moments of blessing, happiness and joy. We saw it grow, fulfilling their dreams and ours. Sharing his first word. His first toy. His first joy. The triumphs as a student. Satisfactions as a daughter. Achievements as a friend. Their breakfast, their laughter, their work tasks, and those first six years of the most tender and beautiful children that an angel might have ... start Liceo years, where he stood out as excellent student, selfless and responsible, always with the Support us in each of their jobs and each of their moments of fatigue ... Throughout his life, he opened a bar of pals and girlfriends, who shared his best he was very happy and playful so loved everyone who saw it, and was also respectful of the adults who love it and know ... participated in the Boys' Choir Cabudare, he learned to sing and play flute, which in turn taught me graduate .. In recent months, ninth grade studying at the Liceo Jacinto Lara in the same municipality ¸ Palavecinense met her fifteen years with the support of her uncles, they are welcome. It was not a party in style, not pompous .... Rather was an intimate, familiar, humble, because we have great wealth. Our greatest pride are the children, including one lives, sacrifices, effort and achieved some goals, but always with the hope of seeing them grow, graduate, and why not? to make us grandparents among other things ... But all the efforts, hopes and dreams were interrupted violently and tragically on Saturday 3/28/2009, when the sidewalk of the house, a reckless driver, claimed the lives impacted her and her cousin and ran away, if it was an animal, left without help ... As if he did not also children. As if it did not hurt the lives of some children. Without taking responsibility, not just as a driver of the vehicle ... but as a human being, a parent, a child should be. Was Saturday, more tragic and hard since I have lived or are alive ...

- What was it that happened?
- We gathered at the home of a brother poking a cake to one of the children. At half past nine went to take my mother home ... there I was informed that my girl and her cousin, a suspected drunken man had run over ... and had absconded. Receive news so hard, that dream never get struck me, when I found out I ran even with the hope of finding her alive, with a broken bone, a cut or other details, but alive. ... And when you reach the Clinic, I only saw the words of doctors and nurses who worked their way to me for me to come, with this reaction, although I felt that nobody told me-it was too late ... From that moment changed and turned upside down life. I had it in my hands at birth, which often took his hands and kissed everyday wear to school and walking anywhere at that time ... to live the hardest moment of my life .... Have in mine, your hands again ... but this time filled with the blood of my daughter graduate. I could not understand why in such a short time, extinguished a life.

- Where was she?
- was in the house and went to fire someone with a nephew. There appeared a car without a light, high speed, which is mounted on the sidewalk, ran over and fled. A neighbor of the sector, on a street about 14 meters wide. She was killed, and ten year old boy, left with consequences that still suffers.

- And the driver?
- is identified. I even say it has a history, but I am not aware. There are witnesses who claim to have seen drinking before the accident in a business sector. Some have heard uttering threats, to the point that I had to ask, I'm the victim, police protection was accorded me by the Public Prosecutor. My girl left me dead on the site ... and my nephew still has severe headache, dizziness, clouding of vision, difficulty sleeping.

- Do you have more children?
- Unlicensed was my only daughter

- How do you feel?
- Everything. Anger, helplessness, pain, sadness, frustration, anxiety. I had to close their eyes. Remove it from the morgue. And while my daughter was crying in an evil hour late, having to face the vultures of the funeral home trying to do business. A promising employees to ease the delivery of the body of my daughter if I gave them half a million Bolivars of the ancients. That kind of hell that makes domestic much more cruel and unbelievable nightmare. It was I who told my wife. My God has given her a lot of courage to face it. She was our sunshine. The center of the house. Our hope. Joy. The future .... And look, today thanks to the negligence or irresponsibility is no longer with us. Since then the story changes, because I can not dress my daughter to a party, never thought I would give you from that moment no one wants to bed and dream: a box ... and not the house you never think, a grave. Always dream of a nice big house with a room for all your stuff and we never crossed his mind that we would go, at fifteen years, the cemetery to visit his grave ... if time could return, I would go that day five minutes before, when I told my daughter have a beautiful smile, I love you!. ... But only five minutes sufficed for the blinding reckless life. And the hardest thing to understand is that human beings are born, develop and die, we come to this earth to fulfill a mission, but nobody ever explained the meaning of death, how come and what time? Children usually bury their parents and law of life, but how?, Why?, How? In this case the opposite happened. And believe me graduate, parents are not prepared to bury the children.

- What study?
- Third year of high school, what we know today as the ninth grade. He was one of the best averages of the course. Look, "she says proudly showing me the skills of her daughter was an excellent student. I answered all their questions. I always had an answer for it. Now graduated, I have no single answer to these questions that my wife and I do every second of what happened? Why us? Why her?

- Do you trust the justice?
- I hope to keep trusting. Do not get me back a crab. In the prosecution have been very diligent XVI with the case. Have been very good to us. Especially for a comment he did to my brother, the boy's father also hit with my daughter, as to not require it, procediéramos not ... it was better that we stay quiet and we avoid problems we

- Do threatened?
- Well, apparently yes. To this point I requested protection public prosecutor and granted me. Although we know we have the protection of the divine angel. Note Bachelor few days ago one of his colleagues and friends came home and saw my wife crying told me "I come to talk to his wife, because this your door is great because it is not Genesis. She always invited us to study together, I dreamed that she told me ... I cry so much that I'm fine where I am "

- Why not have more children?
- Due to health problems. My wife has serious problems with stress.

- If they could "have more children?
- Look, we are evaluating. Today medical science has advanced considerably and have told us that with appropriate controls can. That although there are some risks, not alone itself a decade ago. There is no word that I say, how have so many illusions and dreams of getting the title of educating a child and now only receive the death certificate and that the celebration was to express happiness became prayers and last night ... having a wife suffering more than anyone, the rest bereaved family and in my heart a void and a disappointment ...

- Any further discussion?
- If you decide to publish my nightmare, made known to the whole community of Cabudare, we appreciate all the solidarity, support, admiration, amazement and respect for my Angel, to whom I gave as a name ... The beginning of all things as the Holy Bible ... Genesis ...

A shocking testimony. One shudders impotence. Awaiting justice must now lean on his evenings in that place where lies the affection absent. From there, inventing a source of light colors to water each area of \u200b\u200bmemory that keeps you sleepless. Place the side of the road, this misery cystic friend from that night in the worst of his days. Will find clarity in the shadows. Some reason. Any indication. A look of encouragement in the midst of turbulence, bundle up your child. Will return to the top. In Genesis. Where a smile, fifteen year, a kiss, a question, holding hands, a strong arm ... it was the best justification for their existence. Going to try not continue to die in life. To cease doing justice in this tragedy that distorts their daily lives. Will seek the truth. Not to retrieve his daughter would be walking in the impossible. If not for that justice can be reconciled with life. And nobody smiles replace death in the midst of a shameful impunity. So that never again, by the negligence or abuse of alcohol, a child ... parents have to mourn her death.

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(Published in the Daily Reporter on 4/29/2009)

our parents sometimes leave us no other choice

Lic Victor M. Barranco C.

A cold mist, unspeakable, disgusting ... accompanies her since that night. Which at the time it was an efficient solution today, in his soul, in its name, the site of his sins, has not ceased to be a noise that stuns permanently. Which must have been love, maternal instinct, the result of the couple, the justification of the family ... thunders. Thunders ever. There is a quagmire of waste in their loneliness, their aspirations, the clock stopped in her womb at the time, forever. At the same shadow that tortures and accompanies it. In those feet could not kiss and now strange. In those games that could not play. In those eyes which could not be seen. In the tears that he felt. In that bit of flesh that now needs. There should be a smile where there is only earthquakes and hurricanes. Inside, when they have to be alone, there is a festival of hatred, fear of accusations on that anger does not cease. At that time no longer blame. In that sense God punishing her for ever. A time to repent, not enough night ... or life. Do not understand why, where there should be a dream, there's only one cradle for the storms. Go back in time and although justified, not left to blame. He was 18 at the time, and very few exits. Ten years ago, no one understood. Would be pitch home. An unwanted pregnancy, rather hated, it was like the prelude to a long thorny path she thought should avoid live who never knew ... and yet today it would not have to repeat it. So do not stop feeling now so you can not, a deep sadness. That feeling that life is forcing him to pay his past sins. Reminding every second what has been your greatest and shameful secret. He has traveled all the way, visited all the doctors, sought help from her friends ... but in that cycle through the shortcuts always feel that where it should be the path that leads to God, there are signs demanding that does not happen. He is 28, and a notice of the many doctors consulted to ensure that the dream that obsesses, you can not comply. It is possible that decision years ago to terminate the pregnancy, today is one of the reasons that influence it. When it could be a mother, not the time. Too many prejudices and accusations gravitated modesty about the possibility to make it true. Now that you want with all the forces of its kind, nature prevents it. She makes sure she pays about guilt. His partner ... it's just a chance of life.

"I wrote. Calls to listen. He says that his life can be an adequate witness to this reflection on the Wednesday. Looks very young. She is accompanied by his girlfriend, who is her husband in just three months. Are doomed, she said, to be a family of two.
- about ten years ago, tells me, having just recently turned 18 one day confirmed that she was pregnant. I had a boyfriend, a fellow student, who discovered sexuality a little jostling. Not to think of marrying or establishing families, a day we discovered, after the third full sexual encounter we had, that I was pregnant.

- How do you find?
- The first suspicion was when I left the "rules" ... I was a watch for that. Gone are the days ... and nothing. I waited a month and took several concoctions recommended to me "go down the rule," but no degree. Then buy one of those home tests to check the urine and, together with my best friend, I did it. Was positive. Then I repeated it like ten times because it's not that I did not think ... but I did not want to believe.

- When did you tell him?
- That same evening, at home, when he went to visit

- How do you react?
- I expected. Like I had something inside us told us long ago that I was pregnant. We were not surprised, but if we alarmed. The question, What does one do now?

- What are answered?
- No Degree, at first we were blocked. Because to tell my parents was to ensure that I kicked out of the house, and put that son and me to go work. My boyfriend was studying as I do, and their parents were not going to accept at home. His father was very conservative and probably would judge me in that light. Furthermore, it was what we wanted

- What did they want?
- Like a couple have fun, without complications. Here was an accident, unexpected. He had I trust to tell my mom and my dad was an ogre. At home, nobody talked about sex ... care to open the senses to that girl! "He said. I do not want to blame anyone, but maybe if the conditions of my house had been others, also would have been my attitude.

- Do not suspect anything?
- Never. We had rather a formal parent-child relationship. Of utmost respect and I think misunderstood. I felt more fear than respect. Corporal punishment mom and dad gave me when I did something that they thought were exaggerated. Beatings he received a Bachelor or tell him, sometimes just to talk with a friend on the doorstep. Imagine if I told you she was pregnant unmarried ... kill me!. No one in my house can be understood. My parents in front of my relationships with the opposite sex were too strict. And my sister, who at that time was 10, was too small to help me.

- What did you do?
- I told my closest friend with the request, with the pledge that this would be our secret. She spoke with her older sister who was very confident, as if to another classmate who knew little and who had asked for help. Search tips began. To talk to me mother, who ran the risk. I was with my boyfriend, he spoke to his parents. A premium. A teacher ... a friend who had been there. A doctor. A psychologist ... that I know, how many possible solutions. But I was afraid of being discovered. Fear of beating. A I kicked out of my house and go work. The rejection of my friends. Not to be able to raise that baby alone. Too many fears together for an inexperienced girl like me, and without having to turn to with confidence. Without being censored. I just hoped that someone understood me. Help me from the council, and not from the reprimand. Lead me to the right decision, without prior bias. To be put in my place.

- Did anyone put in your place?
- Nobody in my family because they never knew. It's more of a conversation over lunch companion was told that a single pregnant and not know what to do ... and my dad almost gives a heart attack. "You try to stop this mad right now" that's a bad example "and watch a pod, because I dump the house" "misunderstood? ... I would say little whore" ... I said almost beside himself. What I closed any way.

- And?
- Well, my close friend told me that the domestic her neighbor had told him, after the case had both on the premium, which she had been the same and had interrupted the pregnancy without any physical consequence, and that no-further-he had learned. That was an easy and safe. I was ... at first I was alarmed. I thought that's very serious to have an abortion. Especially that to me that I looked like an operation. So how would explain the absence of my house during that time? How would you pay? How can I not notice?

- Did you think of the child?
- Truth not graduate. At that time I thought only me, and what could happen if I did. My friend told me I only had a couple of weeks to decide, because then it would not be possible. I cried. I cried a lot. How I wished at that time to have a mother or older sister to hear me. I guidance. Let me take the decision.

- What about your boyfriend?
- From the moment you raise it I said, you decide. You are, essentially, who has the problem.

- What did you decide?
- First wondered how it was. I was told that a drug originally prescribed for kidney problems or liver, and which took two pills and two were introduced by the genitals and the three or four days had the expulsion of the fetus. That alone should be prepared with whom and how I was going to do after curettage. That was a day ... most two. To invent a walk with friends or a study day weekend away from home to justify the action. The home told us that she knew a doctor who could make me and give me the recipe curettage. That his office could be in the day. What a night at one of my friends was enough to recover. And in a week would be no problems. So I did. I got the money. I bought the pills and entrusting to God, I did. Everything went as planned. There was only a little more bleeding than expected, but in my friend's house so we could control who recommended the doctor. I went home ... and nobody knew anything ever. However, this tragedy is not the whole degree, only part of it.

- What is the other part?
- Following the abortion, broke up with my boyfriend. Then I had a few others but nothing serious. Until I met Louis, he was special you see here and with me and who today-and for three years, is my partner. He knows everything. And verse. He understood me and helped me get over. Like all couples, we have kids. We have tried during this time and we could not. I've been to many doctors who treat fertility ... and nothing. I've been told I can not have them. I will not be able to be a mother. When I could, it was impossible ... and now I want, is as well. I feel that God is punishing me. Although Louis says it's just a chance of life. I feel I'm paying the consequences of that abortion. But I feel well, I'm paying for the sins of all. Of those parents and diehard drivers who failed to teach or give me confidence. Of those that I caused more fear than respect. In this society of double standards that judges mistakes like mine so cruelly, but it makes one all the opportunities available to fall into them. That homeschool lie, where does not address the reality of life, but an ideal that does not exist. That does not speak out that forces young people to guess your way always, half the story. To believe that if there is no marriage, no family. That extreme religiosity, incapable of understanding and forgiveness, for all his preaching based on kindness and forgiveness. That social formality judging from the fit, which should only be absolutely human.

- Do you feel guilty?
- No ... I am a victim. In a family without trust between them. If sexually-ignorant as to the consequences of motherhood-even my 18 years.
- Do not you think that things have changed a lot in ten years?
- Less than you think BA. While there is greater freedom and a better understanding of sexuality, although there is a greater openness of the parents is not always trusted, "if it is possible to address these issues from a more open than in the past ... a pregnancy expectation remains a difficult problem to solve. A decision where life is at stake, someone should take, but knowing why making. An extreme consequence, many countries it is legal and socially acceptable no false scruples.

- If you play live that experience today ... what would you do?
- Depends. If this partner I have, would be the happiest mother in the world. If in the circumstances of the past, my decision to repeat the past.

- Even with the punishment of God?
- If a repeat of the conditions of my parents, my boyfriend, my ... ten years ago, even with the greatest punishment. Sometimes, children, parents leave us no way out!

His punishment, if any, is always at the same place again. At the same consequence. Unnecessarily poke in the void that was done to the bottom of that bag that lies the memory of that night to try to draw away some light, some warmth, some new smile to calm the sins that plague him. This obligation to rise from the sadness, every anger, every misery, every lesson painfully learned. Forcing every night, every new silence, every rebel tear each fault ... to forget divine. A let up, forgive all, justified. A to scream no yesterdays, no regrets. Shelves, rethink, rewrite .... Find that life partner that surely deserves. Turn the page, as far as possible. Find reasons to justify it sometime. Walking, just walking. No other obligation that each new morning. With no other immediate passion. Without further north than the repair of the damaged. Invent a place where they can forget the mistakes of yesterday, and from there look out without penalty ... to see, without fear, dusk.

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Return: Now we have to try other drugs

At home I have many sacred pains that keep me from walking or moving in bed, call the doctor says he will most likely be a lumbosciatic sacroiliitis or, for that tells me more powerful painkillers.
the ninth month, and monthly medical checks following the treatment properly and sometimes reinforced with other drugs, we see that fistula has not closed the reservoir is still swollen, but I was gaining weight I'm at fifty kilos.
The doctor suggested we try another drug first-line is infliximab, despite its high economic cost, he has seen has been successful in other patients.
After family discussions, we decided to try and begin to raise the funds.
My friends, my sister Eliana have always been aware of my medical course, and psychological, give me words of recognition had not dropped their arms and continue with an enormous spiritual strength.
Silvia and Diana who are teachers of Reiki come once a week to give me the energy.
His sessions I relax the most. Even sometimes I fall asleep.
They are people of great charisma and very generous with their time and expertise.
Each time they come, the wait with great enthusiasm. Diana
I prepared a tonic of Aloe Vera that tells me is very good for healing wounds.
I continue with the doses of royal jelly that give me the Carmelite convent cloister.
Every day I look for information about this disease, it helps me a lot in my doctor-patient relationship I can understand the medical vocabulary, but I can not communicate in the same way, it helps me in some technicalities and I can better prepare way when I go to the query, siempre llevo una agenda con un par de consultas puntuales.
Una vez resuelto el problema económico del costo INFLIXIMAB y con los exámenes respectivos: radiografía de tórax, examen para saber si soy alérgica, perfil bioquímico, rectoscopia y resonancia magnética para saber si quedaba algún bicho de los conocidos como “colección”.
Hasta ese momento aún tenía inflamado la parte perianal, flujos por recto y vagina.
El doctor me explica nuevamente en que consiste este tratamiento: debe ser administrado bajo supervisión médica por vía intravenosa en dosis de 3mg. /Kg. Dura aproximadamente dos horas en pasar el medicamento. Son tres dosis las que se aplican una vez iniciado treatment at two and six weeks later.
treatment tolerate it quite well though, I feel very tired after each dose.
With discipline and perseverance, it carried out the processing on the dates indicated, ending in the month of May 2006. At home I
with immunosuppressive treatment, ciprofloxacin, metronidazole.
The following month, although the flow has decreased and the vagina I get almost no flow, I also gained weight, which I'm very motivated again, do more social life and I can work.

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fistula raging and do not achieve desired improvement

I continue with treatment for depression, I'm weighing kilos forty-five, take vitamins to give energy my body, things make minimum cost me, so grooming is a great job for me, I'm taking antibiotics, immunosuppressants, mesalazine suppositories, antidepressants in the day and sleeping tablets at night.
Despite all efforts, I can not recover. The doctors decided to return to hospital for further examinations me.
Once hospitalized, the doctors, I note that my situation is complex because the disease now encompasses the entire organ system.
me decide colonoscopy exams, vaginal echo and MRI, all blood and urine tests.
I left with intravenous vitamin supplement, change ciprofloxacin antibiotics with more potent cefuroxino mesalazine suppositories and exchange them for hydrocortisone enemas, immunosuppressants remain.
This opportunity not want to pass the thanks to all nursing assistants, play an important role during the stay of patients, give us words of support and encouragement for our recovery.
I am also committed to great gratitude to the Sisters of St. Camillus, who visit us every day, give us communion and we can chat with more calm our fears and hopes. Its mission is to provide support to patients and comforted in the faith, something who achieve beyond expectations.
After fifteen days in the hospital, weak and anorexic, with a very aggressive treatment, home.
talk with my gastroenterologist doctor that believes that more than enough time to start making the immunosuppressive effect is at nine months, which should expect to close this recto-vaginal fistula.
At this time, the reservoir was swollen, and the fistula is still active, I also recommend taking probiotics. Top

How To Put A Visor On A Lacrosse Helmet

White Thick Before Period

A recovery too slow affecting the individual patient and the family as a system appears

, again, treatment with immunosuppressive agents, antibiotics and analgesics. See
frequently with doctor in his office and keep track of blood, especially seeing how the liver reacts to the amount of immunosuppressive drugs. I will up the dose slowly but, by strict control, monitoring the response my body has this medicamentación.
The doctor also decided to incorporate probiotics into my daily diet, vitamins and many proteins.
was still very weak and without energy, he saw no recovery yet, despite all medical efforts, staff and family.
I wondered why everything was so hard to battle with ulcerative colitis and foremost .... what was the difficulty of recovering a normal lifestyle without many drugs ....
When I was hospitalized, was concerned that my daughter Ximena had generated a weakening of his health.
had lost a lot of weight, looked haggard, lack of energy and tight.
was still in college in a career that was demanding and in parallel, with me in the continued hospitalization.
Despite having to please the energy of youth, I was really overwhelmed by the stresses of her sick mother and the end of his college career. Both situations affected their emotional stability.
I felt very guilty to share with her this difficult stage of my life. With
superhuman efforts to recover these problems arise in human relationships.
All have given too much of themselves and have stressed to the limit: double crisis symptoms appear.
This was not only devastating to me, this situation was too strong for my kids.
was a deep existential crisis that puts on the table family loyalties and the sense that it is the life for everyone in the individuality of each person and the whole family.
This situation caused me such an imbalance that had to be hospitalized in the hospital emergency totally unbalanced on the psychological and physical, with rectal, vaginal and rectal pain stomach, etc..
Doctors can not explain this imbalance, either originally told them.
was an oversight, perhaps I should not do. Maybe I would have understood better what was happening and how to detonate so great imbalance.
felt that pain came from the soul and I could not control.
In the hospital she spent her days crying, not knowing what to do.
seeking balance in healing, I felt I did not want to see my husband, though he went every day to me.
did not want to talk to him, even after a week of starting the crisis and taking medication for depression. Fernando
knew from the age of nineteen, and like all couples, we encountered small double crisis. That always exceeded: The core was constituted strong.
I thought our love had created such deep roots in the time that our home could not be disturbed by anything and never would be room for hesitation between them.
In one of Fernando visits to the hospital, I realized I did not draw anything to avoid it. Only
I was face to face facts that separated us.
had decided that we took away, just so I could exercise some restraint and weight. Nobody wants to suffer
for themselves and any situation of couples in which the perceived lack of reciprocity in their affections, opening wounds too deep ends, deepened by what one feels entitled to ask.
Arriving home, I visit my friend Maria Angelica. I have to stop writing that such personal issues that disrupt the emotional, you can only talk to specific personalities.
This is the case of my friend, and, other times I had proved to be a person with maturity and ability to accept balanced the issues you raised.
addition, perceived as a genuine concern for the welfare of my person, for the mine.
All this gave me the confidence to open up to her and refer, without fear, this intimate and painful trance living.
reflections, through conversations with my dear friend, did not wait, with it, a trip to a reality that must be acknowledged: we know that physical limitations are personal, the sufferer who is sick .. .. that no one company can make in the way of physical, mental or emotional puts life.
may be close to one, but also threatens one: to prevent the other person to live his own reality, is an act of profound selfishness in which he had to learn not to fall.
learned, that everyone has within himself the inner engine that makes her happy or unhappy.
The responsibility to live, emanates from a deep conviction that each one of love life.
had to understand that their struggle to deal with this painful disease that I suffered, edges of survival was different in me and him.
Although struggles were different, it was also motivated to achieve it attached to life and all that is good and beautiful. It was not something against me ....
Moreover, thank you for your company committed and dedicated.
With time, understanding both what was on each one, we have this second maturation which gives way to tenderness, friendship, gratitude .... which is what brings people together.
I come to mind the words of Mom "love to death is not a privilege but a victory."
I feel that I chose well, away from emotional distress, because I chose to give way to the concentrated work of recovering as best as possible and try to push myself, to give up this effort to God in his infinite goodness giving my body and my spirit with the highest health as possible when needed.

Mainstream Whipping Scenes

(Published in the Daily Reporter on 22.04.09)

Nobody is all good

Víctor M. Barranco C.

Sleep, Cold, anguish, sadness, the same lie every day opening furrows in his face, in his years, his family, on the site that where, for many years, feigned a smile. The misery of others buried in his being, in his life, the development of things he never expected and are now part of everyday life and the miseries of their own, have been sapping its strength. That eerie feeling that at evening never failed to remember that light, emits its shadow. He and the love of his life, the ideal husband, the father issue, the helper of the neighbors, the witness of goodness that was close ... it was a big lie. The three children taken, recognized by pity, not to grow unprotected against the uncertainty of a mother very poor and an unknown father ... those who were joy and love that filled the house at the time ... never thought he would become the protagonists of the tragedy. He gave his surname in a gesture of great generosity, she acknowledged, that spouse's own fate that he had touched. I never really imagined that the children were his. That love of neighbor was a sham to cover his adulterous relationship with those who attended to the housework. That this example of the husband she boasted, was in his home his own harem. Two women to use and abuse under the same roof. One, the hostess and the other of charge. Amigas. Living thirty years sharing her man in his own home, without knowing it your child's brothers, blood brothers, not affection. It was discovered when his sickbed, he confessed. When it was too late. When there was nothing to do, no one else to claim ... for him, the protagonist of deception, betrayal, adultery, manipulation of their feelings, he was dead. He could not weep. Never have imagined that in his walk as usual, he would have preferred to soak up the sewers. In these waters putrid from dishonor, where they grow free of hatred of others. On the site where the masks fall, there are a thousand truths that bogged down, fouled, excreted ... abusing his innocence. When I heard felt in the apartment of his truth, as he had no mercy from her perfect formal conduct their integrity and respect. He sought God, embraced his son, even the others who were not to blame for that liar father died, and in conspiracy with modesty, in complicity with their pain, their resistance friends, oblivious to those avatars ... but summoned his strength to face the horror, fear and shame. Reflected and is now waiting to see if it clears lie. If your children, theirs and those of her husband tells what he knows. If telling the truth, the only missing in the will. There, he immersed himself in disgust to learn that for decades without knowing it at home home he shared with his bread, his man until the adoption of sons that her husband told her dad .... without thinking that never ceased to be .

-Must be like 50 years. Full of life, the very particular marks a betrayal. With consequences, also very special. Just widowed. In bed, before her death, her husband rebelled a secret that changes his life and those around you ... but it also changed the image of who I thought was an angel as a couple and as a people, until he heard.
- I really do not know where to begin graduate. So many ideas come to my head, I have trouble sorting. Moreover, if you know what happens to me as I have, or should I keep it only as a dirty cloth

family

- Whatever, I say. We can talk on another occasion and so have time to think about what you do
- is that what happens to me so bad, I prefer to tell the many people who read it reflects, and mean that any woman who is going through the same as I read it, and may require long explanations

- I hear you ....
- A couple of months widowed. I was married for thirty years with an exemplary man ... well, at least so I thought. Worker your home, loving follower of his duties, healthy, collaborative ... the perfect husband. Successful merchant, but never let yourself be tempted by vanity. We grew economically by little, and always gave us everything we wanted. We had a son, Manuel, who was looking for a girl to help us serve you. Carmen-then 16 years, and recommended by a neighbor was the one chosen. Intelligent, hardworking, always went beyond its obligations ... to the point, there came a time when it was she who handled the house, sometimes even going up the business and helping my husband with the greatest food I had. The ideal auxiliary, perfect. We were making love, and each day were treated with greater respect, until they became like family. We were accompanied on the trip, ate at the table with us ... in short, a lot of confidence. When he was 20 years, told us she was pregnant. I feel very sorry because I thought it was going. Although he never met boyfriend of course, now I understand it-and out only every month to see his mom was pregnant Humocaro .... I told my husband, who as guardian angel-and man-daily communion offered to lend a hand, which I was proud at that time. I said, let's help, we will protect it and we put him with the child's hand ... total, Manuel already has 4 years and we will not have children for what the doctor recommended. So I do a favor who has been so good to us ... and Manuelito has a friend with whom to play and grow.

- Did not you notice anything strange?
- No Degree, even as three months when my husband told me ... "Honey, I think we should protect this child beyond food and give the roof. I thought seriously, if you do not object, recognize it ... give him my name "

- What did you say?
- First I was surprised, but coming from a man so good so religious, I felt an extreme act of charity. He just said, we talk to her to see what you think. DIY, I said, it is easier for women to be considered on a sensitive issue and that I can appear as a kibitzer. " So I did. I talked to her. First of all I asked for the child's father. I said it I know nothing wife. He is the son of my sponsor, a party that took me by force and was pregnant. This is my son alone. Anyone else .... I thought was a gesture that had to support. I told him what I had said my husband, and he said: "I do not want to cause more problems," "I I'll do whatever you want and what you say "... and the child was registered as my son and my husband.

- yours, too?
- Yes, mine too. Because it was very difficult to understand that appeared in the papers as a child of my husband and home ... imagine Bachelor !!!... but there was over. At two years, Carmen returned to get pregnant. I was expecting a child again. I was really upset because I felt an abuse. With the support first because I had said it was forced. It was not his fault ... but a second time?

- What she said?
- but did not mourn. To forgive, if I wanted she went. May we who were so good, but who fell in love as any woman and had been deceived .... But when you fell, I asked? If you do not go out ever! Well I met a boy in the supply and we were in hiding, he said. He offered to marry me ... but I cheated. Then again I spoke with my husband and he told me all kind ... "See my love, we can continue to help this girl with many years in this house. Manuelito loves her. It helps for everything. We have economic problems .... Why why not help?

- What did you do?
- At first I refused ... I looked like an abuse. But my husband was so convincing that I agreed with the promise that not one more ... and it was.

- you also gave your husband's surname?
- Same as the other. And in the end I felt good. I felt it helped beyond pettiness and prejudice formal fools. What I took as a child adopted by my husband and me. Part of this willingness to serve others with my husband. In this profession of faith he stated. In this great goodness that always showed. He made his two children outside, only for love neighbor! Everything went well, the boys raised as brothers, but we told him when they had use of reason they were not our only child of Carmen, but we wanted to as such. And Carmen never wanted to deprive their children of love, so I never hid "affiliation" ... in any case, I supposed. My husband went out with them. Given school. At ours we send our college Caracas and the other two stayed here. One is a graduate of Business Administration and the other stayed with my husband in the business and who now manages it. Mom tells me old mother and her mother Carmen. In the courtyard of the house made him a small house Carmen where you live. The children live in the main house with us. Six months ago my husband had a cancerous tumor confirmed the irreversible consequences, which disrupted his life and all. We always wonder why he, so pious, so good, so honest ... so without sin. Got worse, until she took bed. One night he said he wanted to confess something to die in peace.

- What did you say?
- Before you tell me I told him that he had been a very good man, I had become very happy, that the mere fact of having given the name to those kids, education, affection, not of it ... you had livestock insurance, the sky. God he should be looking pleased with everything he had done. I give thanks every night for having known him ... .. "On these children want to talk, I said." Do not worry I repeated, if something happens, I do not believe-I will watch over them. That love that time together with you I've learned to have them and consider them as two more children even if not, will not change under any circumstances. Relax, we'll follow your example .... "Listen to me, told me ... hear me a minute please, I feel that I have little time. And do not interrupt me however unpleasant it may be what you hear. Full Listen and then talk. These children are really mine, my children. They are children of Carmen and myself. Carmen and I established a relationship shortly after coming home. Things happen. Animal things within us and I could not help. She wanted to leave when he learned she was pregnant, but I did not quit. They were my children and they had to watch. But I did not want to miss. You are the love of my life, believe it or not. I asked God for forgiveness, every day ... and now I ask you. Do not say anything to not hurt them or you, or any of my children. Yes, I cheated, but I did it to preserve the unity of the family ... just forgive me

- What did?
- I cried. I cursed. I said the sinner, liar, false. He lived with his lover in my house, and made me recognize their two children, imagine such impudence ... and twice, BA. This asshole thought it was a charity and what was was pandering to my husband and his mistress in my own house, and also raising the fruits of his adultery!. The world came over me. Especially the image of him. That be great now become the devil's spawn. In that Carmen hypocrite, so industrious, so helpful, sleeping with my husband in my face. A thousand things together, with the aggravating circumstance that he was dying ... I calmed down. I left the room, I took my car and went to the Shrine in La Paz, to seek explanations, quiet, the serenity lost. Tranquility for all these rages that I came to a head. Calm to the storm.

- Did you get it?
- No. In the days died. Leaving the swamp of feelings

- Did you talk to the boys?
- No. And I do not think I will. I will not embitter your life, or to change the image they have of their "father" in quotation marks. With one to suffer, enough. I spoke with her, Carmen. I vent to her. I told him everything. She heard me crying, asking for forgiveness, demanding to say nothing. I asked him to leave, under any circumstances, of the house. As things would no longer be beaten. Accepted. Invented a long trip with a sister, which we know has no return. Just to see their children, which, remember, stay with me. Nearly 30 years Bachelor, he, her lover and I, his wife, living without knowing it. The man who communed every day in a life of constant deceit. So it is that we should not trust anyone ... not even in good deeds. Everything has an interest. Everything has a fee. Nobody is completely good. Even the most religious. I lost faith in men ... but I gained two wonderful children!

He leaves. Made the life hell, just a few days of being in Paradise. Back, where are the tracks, footprints, promises, false truths is the cradle of this new brand for your sadness. For this new calendar that signs mercilessly, his new hell. Where clay is baked we were done, the carpenter of the anguish fire mark the future of this uncomfortable, strange and repulsive behavior. On experiences, on the steps, in the back of that paragon of virtue that was even before his death, he invented the double standard umbrella for rain, light to the shadows until he played the game draw. In the South, where we plant footprints, where we'll take what's left of us, she expected to draw life and times in his walk perennial forgetfulness. And in his memory can-ever-get the leaves that fall, that crawl, those that meet their life cycle and that once shone in his life proud, proud, exemplary, not for him to become Finally, in just a name, number and a date to remember your traffic. So silent before their children. Their three children. It is sure that the smiles that learned to love, even after the betrayal ... well worth it.