Panasonic Dmc-zs3 Vs Flip

... PLEASE LET ME

(Published in the Daily Reporter on 7/21/1910)


begins to travel what is left of road. To go the one where the excitement gives way to time experienced. Which do not count the days but for its sunsets. Where there is always a space to talk with shadows, with the past. It is there in some corner of the reason, as traveling without fear. Where it does not matter the heat or cold ... it hurts so much ... no longer alone, which can bear. Has begun to strip paint anger, resentment, anguish before he drowned in the place where he now lives a quiet understanding. Today, even the fear has unlimited features generous tolerance. Uninhabited for years that hope which does not float in the warmth of anyone who does not dream fantasies, that does not suck more than it has been, looking for a site where you can leave without noise. He knows that he takes less to live. He had no time, nor left to flourish their lilies. Love touched in one direction, from it to others. Without reciprocity. No correlation. No double-track to fill the place of affection. Think there is not much more to see. The shadow of his crop grown, but never caught as I wished, full of pride. Although it does not feel own, knows that is the product of his sleeplessness. From his sleepless nights. In its continued renunciation. She bears witness to its truth. She calms your lacerations. She soothes her silences. Allows you to ignore their fears, their tears ... that injury leading self-esteem and feelings will go with her because he could never overcome. What yesterday was a dream for the future, today is galling this ... and soon forgettable past. Directed towards the final peace of the wind, and the walking is not brash, there are only peaceful lakes chagrin damping memories. It has no trouble to show, or achievements that shine. Only a tattoo of a solitude and contempt defining corners. So even if your child does not feel it, but her daughter values \u200b\u200b... not justify their way, their presence, even concealed unfair that tear hurricanes, storms, storms do not make it harder for transit. Each day was a new injury of life, a prelude to the fall, a filament undue ride amid a drizzle that never stopped and that always made him suffer in silence. Although moderated the distress, shock, feeling as old furniture, learned to live alone their failures. Calm offenses. A scream just for the pillow. To trust in the four walls of his room, and understand that today his many years in his life ... and there was no dawn. So I visit. So he tells me. Because according to her to die in peace ... just needs to have the experience.

- is a beautiful old lady. Full of wisdom, but also sadness. A family friend, asked me to visit her at home. I'm surprised its lucidity. I quoted this spot interviews with surprising fidelity. This is learning to talk to her, but life-unjustly denied him all the happiness you deserve.
- What good has come Degree. I really wanted to see, because I know a lot through television and newspaper. I am your oldest fan. No hair me their stories. I read your column and while I enjoy politics, I still quietly. There I experience other and learn. So I invited him to my house because I want to tell my story, but yes, do not say who I am ... though I'm sure my son and my daughter read it when they know who it is.

- imagine, my Lady, to be a beautiful story
- Everything, as in pharmacy, son. Although there is a penalty that took in, I want to tell to see if the drain before the present I was bald, because I have many aches and I feel that me going around and around

- You say ...
- You I can tutear? ... Look I can be your grandmother!

- Grandma Sure, whatever ... I say
- I married very young. With an official-looking mail. When the e-mail was and it was very important to work on it. We had one son, Carlitos, who became the center of our lives. While serving three years, my husband fell in love with a telegraph. One day I complained, and never returned. We spent the cudgel play work my son and me. I washed and ironed for the street. But it was not enough and had to give the cottage we had rented. I went to my sister and together we share sorrows and disappointments. Thus, washing, ironing, cooking for the neighborhood was brought up to my boy. Dad was and mother, like many Venezuelan women. Bach did, and when he had to go to study in Caracas, I talked to a relative change and become his cook, housekeeper, cleaner, cachifa ... gave us the utility room of his apartment for us to live. He began working at the racetrack. At that time students are helped by the ballots Thursday, Saturday and Sunday, or assisting in the then called "sealed" it reported an amount sufficient to maintain their studies and also allowed him time to meet them. In college he met a sister and then learned of his father, who by then was a wealthy businessman in Valencia. The sister put them in touch and began a relationship that eventually was narrowed. While I was with family chores to counterbalance the roof gave us. Never go out, because when it came to leaving was I who had to guard the house. I think we get used to it ... and eventually I became, for him, too, that domestic assistant is provided as useful as a mom. Studying, fell in love with a girl from the "rank" of Caracas. With family coming down but these are more pretentious than the real truth! The day that I knew was I was in my room behind the kitchen ... the fourth service. He tried to hide it, I did "for". A cold greeting, a kiss with disgust and almost five minutes to visit there made me realize I had no life.

- Are you married?
- Yes, while studying. Within months she became pregnant, I was called to "help them." That day she was very kind to me, but again gave me room service because of the two who were unemployed "was a baby, and the other was for guests." I accepted it ... total, I ended up believing that was my place. In the days of changed their minds, Louise came to me and said, old tonight, please stay in your room because we have seen and you know, people are very delicate, very thin ... so do not feel bad neither you nor them. I brought some things for the appetizers ... I do not worry about the dishes, you can wash the morning when you rise. That night I realized that not only would be the cachifa at my son, if my daughter was going to make me notice whenever there was opportunity.

- What was the attitude of your child?
- I talked to him. I said, Charles did not want me to put on your stuff but this is going to tell you that made me feel very bad. I said ... those are your own mother pods. Luisa is that you do not like. Do not be complex. She is a simple woman, spoiled, pampered, yet simple ... if you put in your part is going to take very well. It is also pregnant ... understand it. I thought, but I just did my son the next day approached me and told me ... look old storyteller, you're in this house as the mother of my husband, but do not overdo it because I dump. Let's put him stories about me. You do not think I'll sit at the table with my friends do not even know how to use silverware. You eat using only the spoon. But also can not cook, serve and sit at the table at once. What if we need anything? Who's going to happen to us? Addition those dresses yours must have a thousand washes. As we pay someone to help us, the better you go to your house .... Please stop ashamed!

- What say?
- Nothing son. I began to mourn. I had suffered many humiliations. Many slights. The poor always suffer, especially when we are "leaning against" with family. Do not know why some relatives favors charge us more strongly than friends. . I never thought that my son's house, where I knew it would not be the queen ... but at least it, dear grandmother, I would be reproached in the face of my poverty. I cried and I thought that it was my destiny. Charles was away from me because of it. One day I said, it was best that I return with my sister, he had formed his family and needed solitude and independence. He told me not to leave him. I was his old sweetheart. Would talk to his wife ... and cried with me remembering all the penalties we had gone to study and graduated. I got it, I decided to be even more tolerant, and ignore any "peak" of the girl. She stopped talking. Only it did when my son was present. Any excuse not eat if I sat at the table. I purposely dirtied the floor and even a dog "pisser" brought to the apartment.

- would be intolerable to live well ...
- Imagine son, but it got worse after she gave birth. I gave the boy for her to leave. I happy to care for and pamper my grandson. She thought I was wrong, what could make me very happy era. So it was, my son set up his own business successfully and then came the golf, travel, friends, parties, each on his side until he fell out ...

- They ran love?
- Yes Both were mounted piece. Definitely, life is a handkerchief. She told him that went with some friends of volunteering to Margarita to a charity tour, and he said it would take to go to Valencia in a golf tournament. Turns out he went to Tucacas with a friend and when I was in the restaurant, saw a couple kissing frantically ... surprise, it was Luisa with a friend. There were said everything put together a tremendous scandal. I, ignorant of what happened when she came to the apartment and insulted me, I knew what was happening, and I thought so!. I said, is that always the mountain goat ... strip had to be the son of a mop to be as it is ... how I got married with that thing !!!... I'm out of here forever ... I took the child and went on crying. At the time I called Carlos and asked if I had come, I told him, I asked what happened and told me ... and I expected there. He came, he told me his story and told me she pests. We were left alone as a year. Sometimes she came and brought his grandson. I never went until one day he called me from the room. He greeted me with kindness too ... he said he wanted to talk to me, I apologized and assured me he was sorry, and I had to help rebuild the family, for the sake of the child, talk with him ... when he asked me blessing.

- What did, Grandma?
- I talked to him ... but he was very hurt in his honor, his manhood. I welcomed the apology, but that was it. She continued to visit. I take things. I left the grandson. I got to the movies once. I took home from his mother, and for the first time I talked with his family in his living room. I was accustomed to forgive and give, I could not forget what my son and I passed through divorce and abandonment of it was my husband. I do not want that for my grandson. Not what I lived for it, though it would have been good to me. I think any woman deserves to go through the humiliation I went through, only by working to educate a child properly. So I set out together ... and I did!. We met again this time as a family. The first months I was a spoiled. They hired a woman to help me and they took me out, I took into account, were outstanding to me. But after she felt he had sent the girl safe and slowly began to return to what she considered my position cachifa. This time, I do not know that "magic" gave my son, who returned it half stupid. She has abused me, and he said that I was pussy ... I assumed things that I was stuck between his eyebrows, also wrongly, that Louise was bad. They understand that for some children who We all serve him as a maternal duty. That when children get married, is this family that way, your first family. That first wife and then mother. That make life happy for mothers is the duty without compensation, but for wives is a condition that must match on pain of losing. That love of meat things are forgiven, not forgiven the mother's love. That the harder you try ... more than a skirt can be many sleepless nights. That after years pass, only run when you lose or when they are about to do so. They then complain, you do not time spent. Unjust temper tantrums that made you go. Of affection denied you ... when it's too late to make amends. So I wanted to talk to you ... maybe my story is not moving, but I assure you it is more common than you think. For this child, if you can, the public. More than a lesson, as a tribute to those mothers who have been around, but never recognize us, because our children have always thought ... that was our duty.

I say goodbye to her. Spread that tenderness that emanates. That wisdom exhilarating. That experience taught. Achievement float in its warmth, nestled in the warmth that I can not explain how anyone could be neglected. In the midst of such vivid color, she has learned to wait in peace what others have been hell, subtracting one day for each trauma. So is able to draw in the shadows. To rain in the desert. Of love in the middle of the plot. To see clearly amid the glare. To live serene in the midst of his imprisonment, when he discovered the lie of freedom. It is full time mom. Dad supplemental title. Grandma every time I leave. It has a lesson you want to share, at some point in life, we must leave behind the most turbulent of winter!

After Drinking My Glands

ashamed SAID ... IF NOT MUCH TO ASK

(Published in the Daily Reporter on 07/14/1910)


inadvertently and ironically for love, start playing today hatred. To try to get out of that rage, that vast sea of \u200b\u200bmisery that lived sometime ... bury the image of that life partner that, from a weakness of his, began to smile just from the shadows. It was left to win by blackmail, by his desire to please. Came to the place where passion is often unfortunate counselor. A sewer that made him happy, and her extremely unlucky. To be only an accomplice of a relationship in decline. She felt she could "atone for their sins" accessing some concessions. Pleasing some fantasies. Tolerating some excesses ... It got a day, prostituted. Disrespected. Not Rated. Subject to manipulation, which was led to believe was free. Dirty. Violated, not only in body but in dignity.
began with a trio, which endured in penance and love. Justifying its sterility, the unpleasant news that could not be a mother, gave to the fantasy of your partner keep looking. After a quartet. Later an orgy. Then in the midst of this lease, had given his shame. She says she loved him blindly. Did not want to appear before him as a prude. Today he feels that he abused that. Y made her meat consumption. In group sex tool. A waste of shame, subject to juggle so much shame felt insomnia and undrained. Now think, perhaps wrongly generalized that men were given the reasoning, just to see how smart assaulted. Today he feels that way, the path, shortcuts, travel, love, sex, is the feeling confused embers of life, which sometimes leads only to the corners of the waste. The love, affection, reciprocity with respect, he argues, are nothing but a lie repeated a thousand times, which seeks to deceive against the benefit of others. He lived the horror of being forced to practice intimate that lacerated the place of respect in the name of love!. Storm lived horror, every weekend while waiting for the surprise of his girlfriend, who was turning his initial fantasies nasty aberration. The smile on his face. The pleasure in torture. Privacy in collective fact. The Little Red Riding Hood in Juana la Loca. Today is accompanied by a sense of guilt. A fetid stain that can not. The reality has shown that many men are no more than a voracious genital tract. Pieces of meat that produce only excrescences fetid, fecal boluses, and forbidden pleasures. A little denial of that perfection they say ... is the best of nature!.

-After some discussion, decides to tell me about your case. With over 32 years. Even thought there ever resting on their shoulders. Speak softly. Slowly. As measuring every word. Each marking. Thinks it has nothing to lose ... my office assists accompanied by a friend who has recommended to drain part of the rain that pierces to the bone, to continue, at some point, his life long
- I do so embarrassed, says

- Take your time, I say. It may be another day if you want ...
- No Degree ... and I decided, today will be

-
Whatever - I got married very young, just graduated as a dentist at the University. He was not yet 24. He, a lawyer. Italian parents. We had two years of dating. Two years rather special. The best of the world, I think. The ideal partner. We came to Barquisimeto, started working and try to start a family ... He spent a year and could not get pregnant. He wanted to be a father to all events. His family pressed. Mine, also making jokes about it. Yet I felt no rush. I thought that at any moment would be. That when God available to me was fine. However, pressure from family, his desires, I did see a specialist who determined that, presumably due to an operation of ovarian cysts in my teens, I would be very difficult to get pregnant. Sterile, I would say that was the diagnosis.

- How did you react when you told?
- I do not know what to say ... he was with me when the doctor gave me the news .... sweetened, softened, with some distant hope ... but not too strong to grasp the gravity of the situation. Was stunned ... I hugged him. He was teary-eyed, but that was it. Rather tried to give me courage, strength and confidence. However, he was an insatiable in sex failed that night. I, I understood. I thought the conditions were not ... but inside, I felt a strange cold ...

- What happened the following days?
- First, encouragement of the family. Then jokes, the kind that will leave scars. His family, if you know their traditions began to complain privately first, then increasingly in public that the setback would suffer because of me offspring. Especially because my husband is the only son. He increasingly absent. Our intimacy began to alter and everything seemed to collapse. I spoke with my friend more close, Camila, who accompanied me today, also with my parents to see what was .... One night I decided that if I wanted so much, I could not do so guilty of my handicap. She could not punish their natural desire to be a father. That did not have to pay some dishes that did not break. That if the problem was me, then it was I who should bear the consequences of my problem.

- What did you do?
- I talked to him. I told him I loved him, and therefore should not be the cause of his sadness. I was willing to give divorce to restore freedom to my regret, in pain ... if he wanted. And if not, she was willing to do what I ask, to see her happy .... I hugged him. We cried together. He kissed me. We made love again, as before. I figured it was a farewell. A beautiful and painful farewell ... but I said nothing that night. Just turned off the light and fell asleep. I respected what appeared to wish ... not talking. The next day, in good spirits and very early, returned to privacy. To reconnect with this uncommon ardor, he has sex. When he finished, he told me he was going to bathe and go talk. I was confused ... I really do not know what to expect.

- What was your response to your approach?
- I said ... do not want to miss. You know what I want most is to have a child. My parents give so much hope that grandson. Continue the family name, to meet the need of parenting that has always accompanied me. It affected me, as you can not imagine, that you can not be. Which will never see a son of mine run, or play ball, or ask me blessing .... What are you willing to do to compensate??, I asked. Whatever I said ... anything you ask. Whatever makes you happy. What allows me to repair this damage I'm doing. What you can do to make it up, because they can not indulge in being a dad ...

- What do you suggested?
- I thought I was going to propose to adopt a child or a child. I would ask her son to have him somehow. Many things went through my head. He left the bathroom and I said ... "I've thought a lot. In my life plans, it is very important to be a dad ... but I have some fantasies that can make me happy. Some things I have saved, they could compensate me somehow and retain our relationship ... I do not know if I'll understand, I do not know too much to ask ... "

- What did you think when you talk?
- Nothing. Only that I opened the door to keep it. I never thought I would ask, what I asked ... but the sky had asked me and I tried to give him. He grabbed my face and told me ... "My fantasy is a threesome, including in our intimacy with another woman. Since we will not be happy as parents, we will be happy as a couple. We will enjoy the most of our privacy. And that, if I can give. You're the only one who can give me ... "

- What you say?
- Even though I hit, what was at stake for me was much. I did not think, just told him .... Whatever you want. She hugged me and said ... we will be very happy

- How was the experience?
- Well, I tell him. I first set some conditions. I had to agree with the girl, and if I felt bad at some point, I could go to another room .... I accepted. And he has to the person, because the next day he appeared with her at home. What I say BA, embarrassing, humiliating ... but I was determined. He enjoyed it, I suffered. But I felt that this was the cost of not losing by something it was my fault. Not discussed. The next day he returned with another. And throughout the week ... a day, I asked the girl to kiss me ... I said no. But in the midst of intercourse, he made me. And between the two, I did participate. I cried, but I accepted. One day I asked her out like in the good times. We drank champagne, you know I love it. Many champagne. I told you tonight I have something special, but was not in complete sobriety to think about what would be the surprise. We got home, and soon became a couple. I half drunk, I was forced into a relationship to four. Between him and the girl grabbed me, while the other almost raped me. It was an orgy, which also recorded on video, where I did and I did everything. After I showed the video, was that I heard the filth that forced me to do ... and look I'm not prudish about sex. When I was more or less restrained, with little to remember, I said that until we got there. He was a patient who had taken advantage of my guilt complex to meet its aberrations. I loved him, but I was not going to prostitute for safekeeping. That price was too high. That pleased him up there. The pursuit of a prostitute. I had given and that he had abused. I felt violated. Not going to let him become a wreck on behalf Love ...

- How do you react?
- cynically. Domenico was a did not know. I said it was ridiculous. Neither complete woman was because she could not be a mother. That he was satisfied that I had enjoyed "your fantasies" ... not send her away from me hypocrite ... and also he had a video where I saw part in the orgy. Do not be obliged to show my parents and yours. That maybe I had been barren in who knows what sexual debauchery. ... And many other things, too ugly to count. I screamed, I hit him ... until he left the house. I cried, I cried a lot. I felt dirty, disgusted at myself for having reduced both by a man who was not worth showing. But I took strength from which he had and talk to mom and told her everything. We cried together, drain ... and she gave me confidence. Let me talk to your dad, he said. I know him and know how to tell him not to go to Domenico react so that you can create an additional problem. Let's get professional help and prepare the papers for divorce ...

- And all these Your husband?
- I stayed in the house of my parents from that time. He went looking, not imagining that I could tell my old "things he had and I had done." What a surprise it was when he tried to pressure the video and learned that in my house and everyone knew what he was garbage. There, I said that he was wrong ... that had been carried away by the liquor, and instinct ... that, think again and here comes the worst, he was willing to limit their compensation for not being a parent, with three single-sex ... no more men in bed. That for me and our relationship, he would this additional sacrifice ... I became so crazy and out of the house pushed .... definitely BA, people do not know until you live with them. Sometimes I wonder if I could give birth, at some point I would have called "a fantasy"? Is a sick man or a hopelessly depraved? How far should arrive sexual permissiveness among couples, without compromising the respect ... even being agreed? How many other women are experiencing the consequences of a double standard that lowers his only when he has to meet certain social conventions? Would it have done me for accepting some form of lesbianism if the relationship remains in the original trio that I had accepted? How far can we take the need for sexual satisfaction? If we both agree it was bad or good so in principle we doing? Does being sterile, which carries punishment against the couple? Too many questions no one answered me, and now I have in front of you, not waiting for me the answer ... just begging to have them published for many women to make them cold. For hot, it is impossible to articulate a response ... sense!

definitely is wound in his dreams. In woman's integrity. In his love partner. Wanting to take that step necessary of agony to rest. Needs to be planted again in morning. Stop making of solitude, only the cradle of silence. Outline, without a blush, a smile everyday. Power to reshape their own ways. Feel a scent on the breeze. And at some point, that love is not alien. Need to re-frisk on the trail, returned to the shortcuts, usually know how sometimes narrow sidewalks, that instance of forgetting where they tend to fade the old secrets. Want to stop somewhere quiet the experience. Live and let the rest continue to live ... even knowing that, eyelids inside, more than a relationship in more than a love relationship, lives in a particular and sometimes mortifying orgy of grief. Will try to stay as the star of your dreams. Stop there, rather than outsiders. To not feel guilty if you have not loved. To let the wounds become scars only that but always remember ... maybe at some point, and not hurt as much.

South Park Fishsticksquotes

WHO TO ASK FORGIVENESS ?

(Published in the Daily Reporter on 07/07/1910)


In his life, a horrible drawn every second mark the trace of emptiness .... Just as the sun begins to burn your back, hope to dazzle, to prey on their languid awakenings. In his days no time for fun. The pool has done in their eyes the winter, your skin bristles and forces her to constantly search for a coat. In a calm, an incentive for the known sadness. Already, in his morning, even encourage butterflies living hope ... think, just out of habit. At some point felt that life cruelly and unfairly punished. That has sent a load which can not and that, in his opinion, even deserved. What I had always dreamed, the dream of every woman, in seconds had been disrupted in harsh punishment. Indeed unbearable. In eternal suffering. He had rebelled against God, to nature itself, with her husband, her parents, before his principles ... and a second had sent all the limbo, without stopping to think how much damage it did to many ... including. A happy marriage, a stable economic situation, a special family, youth, life ahead, and waiting for a son or daughter fill all space. He would not have tests to find out anything. The surprise, as at the time of his parents, was an attachment to such joy ... "Whatever it was, so was born a healthier" was his only request. However, things did not go as expected. Cursed. Broke everything. The hated. Did not even know. He left the clinic without seeing his face. Without comment you anything else. Others take. She did not deserve such punishment. He thought of God, and then it was so hard on her, so absolutely punishing, they chose to ignore their designs. Moral thought, so at odds with that blow to his life, which would be his pleasure, which will limit their freedom ... they preferred to pass by without fear or care what the people think. Thought in love, and saw him so cruel, so to lie, that chose to ignore any feelings. Then he reconsidered and wanted to correct what transgressed. Rebuild what was destroyed ... but the punishment was greater. Life, denied that opportunity. And she drew, this time without mercy, the space to rebuild their lives and affections. Solo I left a place for guilt, where the sound of silence, stuns him every time he falls alone. A place of eternity to repent, just in the place where you try to disguise their failures. A tattoo for life, slipping every second to death that rumbles in his renegade mother instinct.
Could not leave it tragically learned, obnoxiously so experienced, smiles that frustrated, so many joys that their anger mutilated. Today in the pursuit of liberty, some forgiveness ... it feels more imprisoned than ever!

"No longer mourn. Is 31 but looks much more. I have called many times, but did not attend any of the appointments. This time, without notice, I visit
- Good degree, I apologize for my attitude, but my life is hell. I am full of fear. Repentance. I've done something terrible. I refused as a woman. As a mother. I do not know if I'm a heartless. I have been punished for what I did, cruelly .... I cursed, I've been inconsistent as a human being as a family, as people ... I am the worst thing you could have known

- I ask you to calm down. Not be so hard on herself. We all make mistakes. We all make mistakes. I offer a little water. Tea. But it never ceases to mourn and tremble. Tell me if you can and want to calmly .... But I had warned were coming, I have all the time to hear
- I was a happy woman, always. I had everything I wanted. A wonderful family. A comfortable economic situation. I loved a good man, with whom I was married. We bought an apartment and we decided to make the dream of a lifetime: parenthood. I got pregnant a year of marriage, was 24, and all plans for developing world. An average pregnancy hard, medium hard, but without any apparent gravity. Advised of no consequence. I myself bassinet. Yellow did because neither my husband nor I wanted to know the sex in advance. We wanted to live in surprise. Our only desire was that "come what come, the important thing is to come completely healthy or sane." With my mom and my mother in law bought some of the clothes. Paint the room ... we bought some toys ... the excitement of the first son and first grandson lived in all its fullness

- A child is always a joy, I say
- Bachelor wait to tell you .... we were as prepared. Then came the day of delivery. Was scheduled cesarean section. We arrived at the clinic. I prepared and I say my husband and our families due to surgery. When he returned, still half asleep, I ask ??... What was a girl, I say. Why not me? ... Just a moment and I will bring, says a nurse. Time passes, and my husband had gone to the checkpoint fails. I see the faces of mom, dad, my in-law and I see the joy that I expected .... I start to despair and ask if something was wrong. Nothing, they said. Are you healthy? I asked. Failure was born a little weight, and will leave a few hours in the incubator to recover, they said. And my husband? ... Coming, I repeat. After a while, my parents and my in-laws will tell me a moment to see the baby and my husband comes and stays with me. Just are coming ... he enters. I see puffy eyes and asked, desperate, what happened ?.... I love hugs me cry ... die? I ask ... no, I say ... so? ... I passed a hand through his hair, and I said ... I have to tell you something very strong, but I know we will face together. Tell me, I ask, I'll kill the shock !.... The girl was born with a syndrome. Will have a severe delay, difficulty in locomotion, heart problems, among many others. It is not, nor will ever be a normal girl.

- How did you react?
- I wanted to die. I began to mourn, to cry, to curse. I did not understand why me, why we spent it. We never hurt anyone. I never want to hurt anyone. Help others. We were good children ... why the punishment?, I wondered. I hit him, accused him of an illness, for any possible tare I would not have confessed. I cursed the doctor should have known better. A life ... everything. I declared non-believer ... I was desperate! ... The worst, now I see from a distance and what I mortified was I asked not to know. That can not be my daughter. I do not want to see. Do not bring me ... Take her away, regálenla ... I do not want to see her, was crying. They called the doctor injected me, and I slept I do not know for how long. When I awoke, my whole family was gathered, including a priest friend of the family in the room. My husband and mom sobaban head. I thought I had dreamed of ... but no, it was the reality. The priest said he wanted to talk to me. I refused. Asked her to take all the classes, toys, pumps that were in the room. My mom told me, let me bring you the child ... is beautiful. Surely if you see it, you will want a lot. A child is a child. It is the first woman to have a child with difficulties and you move forward ... please daughter told me cry, let me bring the girl. No, I said. I do not want to know. I want to leave the apartment without her. I have no children!.

- were badly decomposed, I point
- Yes Licence ... out of me. It was as if my world had ended. As if nature, providence, the life, had agreed to hurt me

- Why did you refuse?
- I do not know. I think now that a mixture of selfishness, fear, lack of information. We are not prepared to have a child with disabilities. That seems a tare. Guilt. It was, at that time, as a punishment ... not as a daughter. Thought everything is ruined. I would not be able. I also thought people. In the concealed chuckle. In that quiet nudge. That was receiving a cross did not deserve. On how to raise her. In the evil of fellow students ... and no evil thought in mine. That was the worst of all!. I stopped, as we often do, take care of the damage from the outside ... and not in the lot to myself we were doing.

- What did you do with your refusal?
- My in-laws chose to stay with the child. They took her away. Were your parents, grandparents, friends ... everything that I should be and I was not

- And you?
- I went to the apartment with my husband, he trusted, like my parents, which was a momentary reaction and that sooner or later I recapacitaría and take me to the girl. That was a shock to the news product, but the mother instinct would enable it to overcome

- Did you pass?
- No. I refused and stubbornly blind to it. What cost me also marriage and to the closeness of my family, who has not ever let me talk about this girl ...

- Tragically incomprehensible
say - Yes, but my story does not end there. Sometimes, my sisters or mom left "recklessly" any pictures of the girl in any of the visits to my house ... I, the bouncing without seeing them. However, one day, I began to dream about it often. Saw, white, fat, nice ... calling me. It had been like four years since his birth. One day I decided, I was filled with value and not throw one of the photos. I saw ... and I was dying. Egalitarian the girl that dreams mom told me and called me ... or at least, I saw it egalitarian. Remorse began ... may go in repentance for his blunder. I confessed. I talked to mom. I even met my ex-husband who lived with the girl and her parents ... and plan a day to know her. Were taking me home. It took about fifteen days to prepare with the help of a psychologist to avoid rejection ... .. while talking to my brothers, my in-laws, my family, my ex husband about how she was, how he behaved. A few days before meeting, has heart problems and are admitted to a clinic. I do not say anything until he gets very sick. That day the priest informed me, I ask to take me to the clinic, I saw ... ... and I saw one die degree. All the punishment of the sky fell on me ... I could not load ... and when I could, I renounced it. I got crazy again ... I was sedated again. When I awoke, they had taken ... this time forever. There began my ordeal, I find who to ask for forgiveness, how do penance ... how to replace this bad action as a mother, as a human being. I condemned forever. I returned the curses. The expletives. Cruelty committed, with my own daughter .... I something unnatural ... and surely I will live long to pay.

- What do you say your parents, your laws, your ex-husband?
- They're better than me. I have forgiven. Have tried to encourage me ... but I did not have God's forgiveness.

- I how I can help?
- I do not graduate. Me and no one can. I, like I said, I condemn them. But if you can own this space on Wednesday in the report it has become for drainage and public lessons through this horrible experience of mine, to help others. Show this tragedy caused by pride, selfishness, ignorance ... so that others do not repeat it. A child is a special, have the defects that have. And the first thing you have is with the support of his mother ... and not as in my case is denied. It must be a mother not only for the enjoyment of beautiful things, but also to put the shoulder when things go wrong. Especially now that so much progress. I have one consolation. My girl, if my child even if you refused and hated, lived 4 happy years thanks to his father, his uncles and grandparents. I did not even need ... me, now is when it is most strange. I did not dream anymore with it, although I try. His life happy, thanks to our families, is the only consolation I have. Consuelo can not, nor will ever erase my sins. I assure you that ....

With a feeling of moisture in the eyes, the mind, that place where love can be a garden of misunderstanding, she tries to regain its peace, quiet. Away even if at times, that feeling of guilt that overwhelms rightly feel that their resignations sheet soaked with his pillow ... what could be the most beautiful of dreams, upset at the tragic drop their petals of flowers, in this violent suicide bird, when is the reason late repentance untimely, which requires to walk through the old steps walked. Those who have no home. Knows that there is another opportunity, which had the bad manners bounced. That will never see his smile, he did not know being a mother, no human being ... now just have the same lacerating pain that twinge that will never be repeated.
not had, or have already, time for amendments, much less dreamed check if the face was the same for your child rejected. Just have the same horror blaming ... the same tears running without meaning ... an epitaph, pointing.
now lives an immense darkness ... where ever fled the orgies of his wrath. Alone, as always walks, yearning for the old road discarded ... the same color box unused ... small could never put shoes. Living through a hurricane of insomnia, unable to allow ... another dream.

Audition Yg Entertainment 2010 January

MODESTY HAS NO DESIRE

(Published in the Daily Reporter on 6/30/1910)



A depression. A few extra kilos. The inability of parents to deal with his troubles made him go to a famous psychiatrist. A gentle man, too sweet for his taste. An old green medical gown, she would say. He praised her eyes, legs, maturity, even found it exceptional flares filed within seconds of conversation. Him intimate questions, when she was suffering from a depressive problem ... for a few kilos overweight. In a clinic in the city, conditioned for fifth, started a major problem. The professional who should direct it became a kind of compulsive stalker ... aggressor trying to justify it, all empty of meaning. A drug to supply him when he came to office in one of her visits, she said, her reaction was so strange that most never leave the physician medicating. A slumber, a darkness ... the feeling of being groped, who warned in the middle that dream heavy and sticky, I lit all alarms. And someone had warned him ... watch the guy!. A danger because the doctor-patient relationship can be guided into a state of submission where you can take advantage of the weaknesses of the latter. The ability to manipulate and confidence that are supposed to guardársele, place him in a privileged position when it comes to wanting to "go beyond." He told his mother, who told you to take precautions while you said you were viewing it as much novel. He did not believe. That was a guy famous. Professional respect. That was on the defensive. Do not be confused, that maybe what he was trying to be nice. Necessary crutch. As far caring friend who recommended the clinic ... but anyway, man is man told him. And you, you are very pretty. Do not say anything to your father still to not create unnecessary problems, but alert! She, her mother, began to accompany the consultation ... and warned that the professional was not comfortable with that. One day he confronted. He asked the reason for their behavior. The answer was tragic ... it is a lie of his daughter, who is a manic-depressive with problems, and none of them will accept this story. I am a respected professional, I attend to the cream of the city, and his daughter is a spoiled child whom no one will believe ... I was surprised not only the performance of it with her daughter, if not the danger posed - to be true that man-appreciation exercise. Discovered and later learned that the doctor has not only tried to love their patients, but to some of the mothers who accompany them ... but nobody says anything. The call transfer phenomenon so popular after the case Chirinos, has, it seems, a school of misuse in the city. A kind of hideous repetition, presumably, without doing anything. Just take some caution amid weakness can be manipulated not only a weakness, but it stripped of self-control through of any drug, allowing a modern Sodom white dress, take advantage of the weakness of someone who can be available ... and well, she said, with impunity.

"I visit in my office, after a telephone. He asks me to save more for their identity ... their parents, who by herself. I say that one of the objectives of this space is to achieve, on an individual case, to give an overview ... that so rarely disclose the identity of the respondent or
- I really wanted to talk to you, since time. But first, what popped Chirinos and I thought you were going to think I was copying the case for some reason ... then when I decided, suspended publication of its space. I wrote and thought I'd never call me. When I notice his return to the Journal, I was filled with courage and here I am ready to tell my story, very similar indeed to that of Caracas that has given so much to talk

- Tell me then, I say
- A fat sudden I was running the risk of becoming the ugly duckling of the course, and had driven a few jokes at my University, I created a depression and isolation that so alarmed my parents who decided to make me see a specialist. I refused many times to it, because I told my parents that I was worried, but not crazy. Mom, consulted with some people and was told first that I would see a psychologist but he could not or did not find it ... and ended up in a psychiatrist. In my 18 years, all said they had a cute face and a good body ... at 19, with a few kilos more, I worried about losing the admiration aroused, and stop being the girl in "mommy" group. So I agreed to go to a professional. A pleasant environment and a physician fluent conversation created an environment conducive to trust. That was giving the first consultation. He wondered, I answered ... .. until it was moving way of my privacy, I felt undue advance, maybe so prejudiced. Evaded some questions, and although justified in the midst of my ignorance, did not fail to awaken in me a reluctance and doubt. One, a woman, continues to sense when a man pulls his instincts and take a shortcut, that is very professional.

- How many queries did, and you realize what the alleged abuse?
- After the first visit I told mom that the guy did not like. Questions that made me morbid, where I guess a kind of perversion in it. Old slob. That guy gave me the impression that I was "diving" ... even grabbed my face in a moment, and I said please do not do it, I did not like

- What did your Mom?
- I said that while strip the eye, because man is man and I was very pretty and very young, I would not put him on the defensive. That surely wanted to know fully. She understood that psychoanalysis was on those roads ... but still will not let my guard down, because the desire has anything abnormal modesty and told him. Not yet Dad was so advise not to create unnecessary noise, or light alarms premature and perhaps unfair. I did until I went to other queries.

- What happened later?
- The guy I was quoting more and more frequently to his office. Even one day he did a Saturday, supposedly to make a thorough evaluation. When I was alone in the office. I did not like and I told him. "Let me call my mom just left me, to accompany me." I said, no problem ... call her and that is present. Although this gave me confidence, I did and mom went with me. Although it was a kind of warning, his reaction made me wonder. Until once, in other appointments, he began to wonder about sexual positions, whether he had had relationships with many boyfriends, if I liked older men, if I liked women, if I rode my boyfriend horns to wonder ... if he had experience in this field, and give me stories with that theme ... of uploaded tone. I told him I had to go ... and came home not mentioned it to mom ... who told me he would talk with him, and he did. He told mom that I had severe depression, half dangerous because it could be suicidal and needed an in-depth therapy. I could be manipulated, but if I wanted to take me to another professional and seek a second opinion ... even though he thought it was wasting time, and it was dangerous for me. So Mom did not say anything, but decided to give it another chance. He told me there were only two sessions, period, but anyway let him know everything that happened and she would always be with me in the office.

- How do I take it?
- Well when we arrived, and Mom told me to accompany him, told him he was fine. I would take some pills for a test and now. He gave me a pill and told mom to wait outside while I was indeed to proceed to consultation. Mom left the office, and immediately went to bed and I felt a drowsiness that could not help ... it took a while, and suddenly I found myself in front of him and dreaming ... and the hands, in my private parts .... It was like weird. When Mom came for a long time, and hiding him-me stupid questions in front of her .... I sent and said, "to lie to help finish this reassuring." When I was wide awake, I told mom what I thought what happened ... I had felt between asleep and awake ... what I thought about the drug administered, which was to weaken and quench their instincts, which for a cure .... She was very upset and went to confront him. He denied everything, and when I threatened to report publicly, said ... "and so quiet that you will be able to prove, and nobody is going to pay attention because I am a professional prestige who all respect ... I have many friends and patients in positions of privilege. " "Stop to heed this brat, believed to be the last drink of the desert, take it and leave me alone."

- what did he do it?
- talked with her friends and told him ... and some of them said that it had a history career. Had even tried to love also the mothers of some patients. With the advantage that gave him his position and knowledge of the patient, it was very easy to get these "privileges" .... Sometimes proved effective for the "love", and sometimes with the help of drugs. At that time uncovered the called Case Chirinos, and we learned about how and why they gave these situations, regardless of what liability in this case determined justice. There were many knowledgeable opinions and surfaced many cases and their respective explanations ... which allowed us to associate us with all these.

- denounces it n?
- No, although we have evaluated. Even we have not told Dad yet, because it will and is able to take justice into their own hands.

- Do you feel violated?
- Sure, but there was no penetration ... I had lasciviously. Penetration is not the only form of sexual violence ... and look Degree, we read so much about this subject lately, I am most proficient in it. The guy is a degenerate, almost licensed to abuse.

- Have you seen him?
- No. Although I have called several times. I invite you to "fix the misunderstanding." He called mom when she learned that she was walking to her friends finding out about their behavior, to say it was all a bad misunderstanding, that he was a decent man, etc.. I told him not to call me more for their calls would be evidence that was stalking me, like mom did ... and even there. It was not there.

- What will you do?
- For now, what I'm doing. Talking to you has a huge readership and a well-earned credibility, asking him to publish my story. And that it then becomes a campaign for such professionals. That mothers never leave her children go alone to an inquiry of this kind, they are aware of the doctor-patient, understand that if they are depressed when they are most vulnerable ... that while not all doctors are so and this hobo is an exception ... the not what is not going to bother because a representative accompany the patient on an issue as sensitive as mental health of a child

- Is not do you think you could turn on alarms unfairly, which could be a case that, while painful, isolated? What can pay unduly for the sins?
- Unlicensed my case, called case Chirinos, the others you can see on the Internet ... attest that, although not all, there are some who do, who do abuse and therefore must be taken precautions. Please submit My apologies to the professionals in psychiatry honorable and decent in the city there are many, but I'm sure they understand the need to call attention to the poor, it also benefits them .... to confuse anyone.

Many questions to ask and to be compared to testimony so sensitive. Faced with an experience where only she knows what she did more harm ... the noise, darkness, silence, harassment, darkness, depression was overcome ... or simply the desire evil guessed. Sense disgust, nausea, anger, helplessness. Or just the face, the smile, the sincere kindness. Or one roof, one room ... which looked with lust academic mask. Today, instead of healing, just back pain, a grief, a new anxiety. The discovery that instinct is that sometimes prevails. That the meat remains a motivating explosive aberrations of any kind. For those behind even a white coat, no longer activate the sirens, injury, fear. It is the imitation of life, inappropriately touching the door. So she screams waiting to be heard. No company wants the accomplices, who will say, or the bags of fear ... remain dumb way for ever. At least for her, the assistance required could not be satisfied. Did not achieve the necessary confidence, only more doubts. Neither the peace or a cure. Not even a chance to heal. Only perversion, at least from their perspective ... trying to take advantage