(Published in the Daily Reporter on 07/07/1910)
In his life, a horrible drawn every second mark the trace of emptiness .... Just as the sun begins to burn your back, hope to dazzle, to prey on their languid awakenings. In his days no time for fun. The pool has done in their eyes the winter, your skin bristles and forces her to constantly search for a coat. In a calm, an incentive for the known sadness. Already, in his morning, even encourage butterflies living hope ... think, just out of habit. At some point felt that life cruelly and unfairly punished. That has sent a load which can not and that, in his opinion, even deserved. What I had always dreamed, the dream of every woman, in seconds had been disrupted in harsh punishment. Indeed unbearable. In eternal suffering. He had rebelled against God, to nature itself, with her husband, her parents, before his principles ... and a second had sent all the limbo, without stopping to think how much damage it did to many ... including. A happy marriage, a stable economic situation, a special family, youth, life ahead, and waiting for a son or daughter fill all space. He would not have tests to find out anything. The surprise, as at the time of his parents, was an attachment to such joy ... "Whatever it was, so was born a healthier" was his only request. However, things did not go as expected. Cursed. Broke everything. The hated. Did not even know. He left the clinic without seeing his face. Without comment you anything else. Others take. She did not deserve such punishment. He thought of God, and then it was so hard on her, so absolutely punishing, they chose to ignore their designs. Moral thought, so at odds with that blow to his life, which would be his pleasure, which will limit their freedom ... they preferred to pass by without fear or care what the people think. Thought in love, and saw him so cruel, so to lie, that chose to ignore any feelings. Then he reconsidered and wanted to correct what transgressed. Rebuild what was destroyed ... but the punishment was greater. Life, denied that opportunity. And she drew, this time without mercy, the space to rebuild their lives and affections. Solo I left a place for guilt, where the sound of silence, stuns him every time he falls alone. A place of eternity to repent, just in the place where you try to disguise their failures. A tattoo for life, slipping every second to death that rumbles in his renegade mother instinct.
Could not leave it tragically learned, obnoxiously so experienced, smiles that frustrated, so many joys that their anger mutilated. Today in the pursuit of liberty, some forgiveness ... it feels more imprisoned than ever!
"No longer mourn. Is 31 but looks much more. I have called many times, but did not attend any of the appointments. This time, without notice, I visit
- Good degree, I apologize for my attitude, but my life is hell. I am full of fear. Repentance. I've done something terrible. I refused as a woman. As a mother. I do not know if I'm a heartless. I have been punished for what I did, cruelly .... I cursed, I've been inconsistent as a human being as a family, as people ... I am the worst thing you could have known
In his life, a horrible drawn every second mark the trace of emptiness .... Just as the sun begins to burn your back, hope to dazzle, to prey on their languid awakenings. In his days no time for fun. The pool has done in their eyes the winter, your skin bristles and forces her to constantly search for a coat. In a calm, an incentive for the known sadness. Already, in his morning, even encourage butterflies living hope ... think, just out of habit. At some point felt that life cruelly and unfairly punished. That has sent a load which can not and that, in his opinion, even deserved. What I had always dreamed, the dream of every woman, in seconds had been disrupted in harsh punishment. Indeed unbearable. In eternal suffering. He had rebelled against God, to nature itself, with her husband, her parents, before his principles ... and a second had sent all the limbo, without stopping to think how much damage it did to many ... including. A happy marriage, a stable economic situation, a special family, youth, life ahead, and waiting for a son or daughter fill all space. He would not have tests to find out anything. The surprise, as at the time of his parents, was an attachment to such joy ... "Whatever it was, so was born a healthier" was his only request. However, things did not go as expected. Cursed. Broke everything. The hated. Did not even know. He left the clinic without seeing his face. Without comment you anything else. Others take. She did not deserve such punishment. He thought of God, and then it was so hard on her, so absolutely punishing, they chose to ignore their designs. Moral thought, so at odds with that blow to his life, which would be his pleasure, which will limit their freedom ... they preferred to pass by without fear or care what the people think. Thought in love, and saw him so cruel, so to lie, that chose to ignore any feelings. Then he reconsidered and wanted to correct what transgressed. Rebuild what was destroyed ... but the punishment was greater. Life, denied that opportunity. And she drew, this time without mercy, the space to rebuild their lives and affections. Solo I left a place for guilt, where the sound of silence, stuns him every time he falls alone. A place of eternity to repent, just in the place where you try to disguise their failures. A tattoo for life, slipping every second to death that rumbles in his renegade mother instinct.
Could not leave it tragically learned, obnoxiously so experienced, smiles that frustrated, so many joys that their anger mutilated. Today in the pursuit of liberty, some forgiveness ... it feels more imprisoned than ever!
"No longer mourn. Is 31 but looks much more. I have called many times, but did not attend any of the appointments. This time, without notice, I visit
- Good degree, I apologize for my attitude, but my life is hell. I am full of fear. Repentance. I've done something terrible. I refused as a woman. As a mother. I do not know if I'm a heartless. I have been punished for what I did, cruelly .... I cursed, I've been inconsistent as a human being as a family, as people ... I am the worst thing you could have known
- I ask you to calm down. Not be so hard on herself. We all make mistakes. We all make mistakes. I offer a little water. Tea. But it never ceases to mourn and tremble. Tell me if you can and want to calmly .... But I had warned were coming, I have all the time to hear
- I was a happy woman, always. I had everything I wanted. A wonderful family. A comfortable economic situation. I loved a good man, with whom I was married. We bought an apartment and we decided to make the dream of a lifetime: parenthood. I got pregnant a year of marriage, was 24, and all plans for developing world. An average pregnancy hard, medium hard, but without any apparent gravity. Advised of no consequence. I myself bassinet. Yellow did because neither my husband nor I wanted to know the sex in advance. We wanted to live in surprise. Our only desire was that "come what come, the important thing is to come completely healthy or sane." With my mom and my mother in law bought some of the clothes. Paint the room ... we bought some toys ... the excitement of the first son and first grandson lived in all its fullness
- A child is always a joy, I say
- Bachelor wait to tell you .... we were as prepared. Then came the day of delivery. Was scheduled cesarean section. We arrived at the clinic. I prepared and I say my husband and our families due to surgery. When he returned, still half asleep, I ask ??... What was a girl, I say. Why not me? ... Just a moment and I will bring, says a nurse. Time passes, and my husband had gone to the checkpoint fails. I see the faces of mom, dad, my in-law and I see the joy that I expected .... I start to despair and ask if something was wrong. Nothing, they said. Are you healthy? I asked. Failure was born a little weight, and will leave a few hours in the incubator to recover, they said. And my husband? ... Coming, I repeat. After a while, my parents and my in-laws will tell me a moment to see the baby and my husband comes and stays with me. Just are coming ... he enters. I see puffy eyes and asked, desperate, what happened ?.... I love hugs me cry ... die? I ask ... no, I say ... so? ... I passed a hand through his hair, and I said ... I have to tell you something very strong, but I know we will face together. Tell me, I ask, I'll kill the shock !.... The girl was born with a syndrome. Will have a severe delay, difficulty in locomotion, heart problems, among many others. It is not, nor will ever be a normal girl.
- Bachelor wait to tell you .... we were as prepared. Then came the day of delivery. Was scheduled cesarean section. We arrived at the clinic. I prepared and I say my husband and our families due to surgery. When he returned, still half asleep, I ask ??... What was a girl, I say. Why not me? ... Just a moment and I will bring, says a nurse. Time passes, and my husband had gone to the checkpoint fails. I see the faces of mom, dad, my in-law and I see the joy that I expected .... I start to despair and ask if something was wrong. Nothing, they said. Are you healthy? I asked. Failure was born a little weight, and will leave a few hours in the incubator to recover, they said. And my husband? ... Coming, I repeat. After a while, my parents and my in-laws will tell me a moment to see the baby and my husband comes and stays with me. Just are coming ... he enters. I see puffy eyes and asked, desperate, what happened ?.... I love hugs me cry ... die? I ask ... no, I say ... so? ... I passed a hand through his hair, and I said ... I have to tell you something very strong, but I know we will face together. Tell me, I ask, I'll kill the shock !.... The girl was born with a syndrome. Will have a severe delay, difficulty in locomotion, heart problems, among many others. It is not, nor will ever be a normal girl.
- How did you react?
- I wanted to die. I began to mourn, to cry, to curse. I did not understand why me, why we spent it. We never hurt anyone. I never want to hurt anyone. Help others. We were good children ... why the punishment?, I wondered. I hit him, accused him of an illness, for any possible tare I would not have confessed. I cursed the doctor should have known better. A life ... everything. I declared non-believer ... I was desperate! ... The worst, now I see from a distance and what I mortified was I asked not to know. That can not be my daughter. I do not want to see. Do not bring me ... Take her away, regálenla ... I do not want to see her, was crying. They called the doctor injected me, and I slept I do not know for how long. When I awoke, my whole family was gathered, including a priest friend of the family in the room. My husband and mom sobaban head. I thought I had dreamed of ... but no, it was the reality. The priest said he wanted to talk to me. I refused. Asked her to take all the classes, toys, pumps that were in the room. My mom told me, let me bring you the child ... is beautiful. Surely if you see it, you will want a lot. A child is a child. It is the first woman to have a child with difficulties and you move forward ... please daughter told me cry, let me bring the girl. No, I said. I do not want to know. I want to leave the apartment without her. I have no children!.
- were badly decomposed, I point
- Yes Licence ... out of me. It was as if my world had ended. As if nature, providence, the life, had agreed to hurt me
- Why did you refuse?
- I do not know. I think now that a mixture of selfishness, fear, lack of information. We are not prepared to have a child with disabilities. That seems a tare. Guilt. It was, at that time, as a punishment ... not as a daughter. Thought everything is ruined. I would not be able. I also thought people. In the concealed chuckle. In that quiet nudge. That was receiving a cross did not deserve. On how to raise her. In the evil of fellow students ... and no evil thought in mine. That was the worst of all!. I stopped, as we often do, take care of the damage from the outside ... and not in the lot to myself we were doing.
- What did you do with your refusal?
- My in-laws chose to stay with the child. They took her away. Were your parents, grandparents, friends ... everything that I should be and I was not
- My in-laws chose to stay with the child. They took her away. Were your parents, grandparents, friends ... everything that I should be and I was not
- And you?
- I went to the apartment with my husband, he trusted, like my parents, which was a momentary reaction and that sooner or later I recapacitarĂa and take me to the girl. That was a shock to the news product, but the mother instinct would enable it to overcome
- I went to the apartment with my husband, he trusted, like my parents, which was a momentary reaction and that sooner or later I recapacitarĂa and take me to the girl. That was a shock to the news product, but the mother instinct would enable it to overcome
- Did you pass?
- No. I refused and stubbornly blind to it. What cost me also marriage and to the closeness of my family, who has not ever let me talk about this girl ...
- No. I refused and stubbornly blind to it. What cost me also marriage and to the closeness of my family, who has not ever let me talk about this girl ...
- Tragically incomprehensible
say - Yes, but my story does not end there. Sometimes, my sisters or mom left "recklessly" any pictures of the girl in any of the visits to my house ... I, the bouncing without seeing them. However, one day, I began to dream about it often. Saw, white, fat, nice ... calling me. It had been like four years since his birth. One day I decided, I was filled with value and not throw one of the photos. I saw ... and I was dying. Egalitarian the girl that dreams mom told me and called me ... or at least, I saw it egalitarian. Remorse began ... may go in repentance for his blunder. I confessed. I talked to mom. I even met my ex-husband who lived with the girl and her parents ... and plan a day to know her. Were taking me home. It took about fifteen days to prepare with the help of a psychologist to avoid rejection ... .. while talking to my brothers, my in-laws, my family, my ex husband about how she was, how he behaved. A few days before meeting, has heart problems and are admitted to a clinic. I do not say anything until he gets very sick. That day the priest informed me, I ask to take me to the clinic, I saw ... ... and I saw one die degree. All the punishment of the sky fell on me ... I could not load ... and when I could, I renounced it. I got crazy again ... I was sedated again. When I awoke, they had taken ... this time forever. There began my ordeal, I find who to ask for forgiveness, how do penance ... how to replace this bad action as a mother, as a human being. I condemned forever. I returned the curses. The expletives. Cruelty committed, with my own daughter .... I something unnatural ... and surely I will live long to pay.
- What do you say your parents, your laws, your ex-husband?
- They're better than me. I have forgiven. Have tried to encourage me ... but I did not have God's forgiveness.
- I how I can help?
- I do not graduate. Me and no one can. I, like I said, I condemn them. But if you can own this space on Wednesday in the report it has become for drainage and public lessons through this horrible experience of mine, to help others. Show this tragedy caused by pride, selfishness, ignorance ... so that others do not repeat it. A child is a special, have the defects that have. And the first thing you have is with the support of his mother ... and not as in my case is denied. It must be a mother not only for the enjoyment of beautiful things, but also to put the shoulder when things go wrong. Especially now that so much progress. I have one consolation. My girl, if my child even if you refused and hated, lived 4 happy years thanks to his father, his uncles and grandparents. I did not even need ... me, now is when it is most strange. I did not dream anymore with it, although I try. His life happy, thanks to our families, is the only consolation I have. Consuelo can not, nor will ever erase my sins. I assure you that ....
With a feeling of moisture in the eyes, the mind, that place where love can be a garden of misunderstanding, she tries to regain its peace, quiet. Away even if at times, that feeling of guilt that overwhelms rightly feel that their resignations sheet soaked with his pillow ... what could be the most beautiful of dreams, upset at the tragic drop their petals of flowers, in this violent suicide bird, when is the reason late repentance untimely, which requires to walk through the old steps walked. Those who have no home. Knows that there is another opportunity, which had the bad manners bounced. That will never see his smile, he did not know being a mother, no human being ... now just have the same lacerating pain that twinge that will never be repeated.
not had, or have already, time for amendments, much less dreamed check if the face was the same for your child rejected. Just have the same horror blaming ... the same tears running without meaning ... an epitaph, pointing.
now lives an immense darkness ... where ever fled the orgies of his wrath. Alone, as always walks, yearning for the old road discarded ... the same color box unused ... small could never put shoes. Living through a hurricane of insomnia, unable to allow ... another dream.
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