(Published in the Daily Reporter on 9/22/1910)
There is a romp of despair, just at the site of his paternal love. A continuous flood of tsunami ... there, where the lack of answers gray woven figures eternal mortification. Is a romp of frustration, just where inbreeding is mixed with grief, rage, impotence, heart on that claim can not explain why, or even violating the conscience .... The one that produces fatigue in the long know that all his living with a mask on and she, as an adult, and able to understand the weaknesses of the passion that reason does not understand, but must continue living in the space of shells that have been imposed forcing her to dress for mother of pearl to return in peace, again and again, in silence as usual. His life is an orgy of farce, of confusing formalities, empty strangers, affects battered, wrinkled ties, old streets than in the informal relationship, but not surprised, "he relates with his family ... in that space behind no one dares to face the truth ... although she has made every effort to try to get it. Who has a family feel Second. A part-time father, which favors its attention primarily to a family for fear that it knows of its existence. A mother who is not fully understood that she grew up, as an adult, and is able to understand the great love he did accept that behind the formality condition, to defend-and-defend what many want. Some sisters who already knows almost everything, one who knows you personally, but has not dared to reveal their ties of blood for fear that the parent meet the threat of not seeing them anymore ... if it is found that second family . She loves her dad, but is convinced that one can have it both during the day. She loves her mom, but do not understand they do not tell and make him part of a decision he took, and she is willing to respect him. Wants his father to his sisters recognize their existence, to stop living this life of lies that stuns and that at this time has no meaning. Want to spring out of that lies in who is involuntarily submerged, making carnival a result of fear. A festival of this useless laughter that accompanies his secret. This old mask that attempts to cover the shame fathers to their "first" family. The familiar burning, the same bitterness ... that he is 18 voice dialing, the step, the happy times. The search for truth that does not reach ... even though both announced. So feel it was time to take the initiative ... to discover and be discovered. Breaking with the sand that covers the lives of their best affections. Clean the dust and reset everything in your life, with the remains. Celebrate a new opportunity ... respecting what each person wants to keep the one you already have ... but breaking once and for all, with the anguish of being the only child of a family of second.
-comes with a cousin and a friend ... I said that after much thought decided to tell his story. I ask, then, tell me
- Morning degree, after much reading your OUT LOW decided to visit him to tell my problem, I live in anguish unnecessarily. In the past I tried to write, to get in touch with you, but my lack of courage never left me, despite the many like it. I have 18 years, close to turn 19, but from an early age I suffered the double life that my father has. He lives a life of lies, always in secret ... and I, as a result, I had to suffer to see that what I have and I have not. I enjoy that part-time. I can not have it, if not at certain times of day. That their welfare, I had to live in hiding in different social networks like twitter and facebook for my sisters and his wife never reach to find me, never come to know that I exist ... I am also his daughter. Although I must say in all honesty he has always been beside me financially, but emotionally, emotionally, I almost never had. The times I need your presence many of them could not accompany me, because I was at home with his daughters, his wife ... because I've always had to wait. Have been numerous and unpleasant situations that I had to go through him, his fear that the truth be known, our truth ... I had to look it up to pass myself off as another person in order to meet one of my sisters are 18 ... years I have lived in secret, I think unfairly because of him and my mother.
There is a romp of despair, just at the site of his paternal love. A continuous flood of tsunami ... there, where the lack of answers gray woven figures eternal mortification. Is a romp of frustration, just where inbreeding is mixed with grief, rage, impotence, heart on that claim can not explain why, or even violating the conscience .... The one that produces fatigue in the long know that all his living with a mask on and she, as an adult, and able to understand the weaknesses of the passion that reason does not understand, but must continue living in the space of shells that have been imposed forcing her to dress for mother of pearl to return in peace, again and again, in silence as usual. His life is an orgy of farce, of confusing formalities, empty strangers, affects battered, wrinkled ties, old streets than in the informal relationship, but not surprised, "he relates with his family ... in that space behind no one dares to face the truth ... although she has made every effort to try to get it. Who has a family feel Second. A part-time father, which favors its attention primarily to a family for fear that it knows of its existence. A mother who is not fully understood that she grew up, as an adult, and is able to understand the great love he did accept that behind the formality condition, to defend-and-defend what many want. Some sisters who already knows almost everything, one who knows you personally, but has not dared to reveal their ties of blood for fear that the parent meet the threat of not seeing them anymore ... if it is found that second family . She loves her dad, but is convinced that one can have it both during the day. She loves her mom, but do not understand they do not tell and make him part of a decision he took, and she is willing to respect him. Wants his father to his sisters recognize their existence, to stop living this life of lies that stuns and that at this time has no meaning. Want to spring out of that lies in who is involuntarily submerged, making carnival a result of fear. A festival of this useless laughter that accompanies his secret. This old mask that attempts to cover the shame fathers to their "first" family. The familiar burning, the same bitterness ... that he is 18 voice dialing, the step, the happy times. The search for truth that does not reach ... even though both announced. So feel it was time to take the initiative ... to discover and be discovered. Breaking with the sand that covers the lives of their best affections. Clean the dust and reset everything in your life, with the remains. Celebrate a new opportunity ... respecting what each person wants to keep the one you already have ... but breaking once and for all, with the anguish of being the only child of a family of second.
-comes with a cousin and a friend ... I said that after much thought decided to tell his story. I ask, then, tell me
- Morning degree, after much reading your OUT LOW decided to visit him to tell my problem, I live in anguish unnecessarily. In the past I tried to write, to get in touch with you, but my lack of courage never left me, despite the many like it. I have 18 years, close to turn 19, but from an early age I suffered the double life that my father has. He lives a life of lies, always in secret ... and I, as a result, I had to suffer to see that what I have and I have not. I enjoy that part-time. I can not have it, if not at certain times of day. That their welfare, I had to live in hiding in different social networks like twitter and facebook for my sisters and his wife never reach to find me, never come to know that I exist ... I am also his daughter. Although I must say in all honesty he has always been beside me financially, but emotionally, emotionally, I almost never had. The times I need your presence many of them could not accompany me, because I was at home with his daughters, his wife ... because I've always had to wait. Have been numerous and unpleasant situations that I had to go through him, his fear that the truth be known, our truth ... I had to look it up to pass myself off as another person in order to meet one of my sisters are 18 ... years I have lived in secret, I think unfairly because of him and my mother.
- How is it that will never change for someone else to meet one of your sisters?
- Through social networking, I placed a sister ... older than me, certainly. Dad always told me I had a sister, but never gave me details about them. I stepped into the network under an assumed name, and accept me as a friend did one of them, until we established a fluid contact. I invited her to meet him, that we met ... and we did. BA does not know how powerless I was to have my sister, who takes blood beside myself, not to say podérselo. Talk to her, extremely keen to embrace it, and yet having to suppress it. I rummaged in seconds that mixture of joy and anger in me, that covert product that my parents have been imposed. Do not know how much I wanted to be intimate with her, tell her who it was ... but could the threat of never seeing my father more if they do, they give me the joy of sharing with whom my family and me, not to blame for the errors or guilt of our fathers ... much more, because I'm an only child. The only child of a second family.
- Have you continued to haunt?
- No, well now you hide me ... me invited, even at home. In the house of my father and his wife ... imagine!
- I think it was a good chance, you lost ...
- What happens is that one gets used also to hide. Especially when you get out of "the line" is the threat of a sanction as strong as it is to lose your father ... to feel shame, not come from an informal marriage like my parents, I respect and understand union if not because they have taken-and I have condemned me to do-that this is a relationship second. A sinful relationship. Something that should be hidden. ... And going 24 years now, covering face. Running of the places where "anyone can learn." Taking Dad almost during office hours. Can not go anywhere without having to leave like Cinderella at midnight, because after that Dad should go back to where his "first" family. Note Licensed in recent days, visiting fairs dyer with Mom and Dad happen to find ourselves faced with one of my sisters, she looked at me, looked at us all and asked Daddy ... "Daddy you do here? ... And me, between scared and happy, I thought, ya ... good, finally ended the charade ... dad is presented as her daughter at all his family, and will end the anguish of so many years ... this fear when we go ... this festival of masks has been my life ... but what will .... To my surprise it was not. Mom, who keeps the peace of dad, who took the life of surprises for love ... what he did was hide and hide, while my dad would answer to the question of "first daughter" ... I'm with friends daughter, but I'm leaving! ... Too bad BA. What a disappointment. And let me tell you in my heart the anger sometimes turns into distress. Others in pain. In this condition itself of always being the ones who sacrifice. That no very hard to say who is the daughter ... .. not going to complicate the life of his father .... but from my own BA, who is responsible ?...¿ who has done something for me to know how much damage being done always receiving what other left? ... That my dad always hidden. I refuse. I ignore. The mom will follow the self-injuring the game beyond the limits of convenience. Which between them make me feel ashamed of who I am, as if being the daughter of love was sinful!
- Have you often felt ashamed that unfair?
- Yeah ... there have been many times when I have experienced and because silence. Like when the gifts the school to parents at the time. It made with great care to please ... and although he always gave them the same great love that I made ... he kept stored in any part of the house, never took them ... as if not to give importance. That have to endure from very small to others ask why your dad is going in the evenings in your home? Why do not you sleep? Why he is at home only during office hours, and sometimes not come .....? It is not easy for a girl to answer things every night she asks herself no response.
- What does your mom?
- She follows. It protects. He does not want to bother and to fulfill its warning not to see each other anymore. How many times will announced.
- Does she work?
- No.
- Does your father keep?
- Yes, as my
- Do you?
- He has always said yes. He says even he does not want his wife. They sleep in separate rooms .... But has also told us that if your family becomes aware of our existence, not ever come back home
- Have you talked to him?
- With my dad can not talk about it in peace ... with Mom healthy either. Bother and end up fighting. And to think that my dad was my hero. The biggest thing I had in my life, my role ... and he has been responsible for removing the beautiful image they always had. How would like to sincerely for the mom and me, we talked as adults of the topic. Without obfuscated. Trying to understand the other's view. Put an end once and for all that tournament of hypocrisy ... that know it all, pretending to ourselves that we do not know.
- Why do I write?
- Because I would not just listen to me because, as you see, there are many things I've experienced. To the extent that sometimes I even feel some resentment towards dad and are many times I pretend to be okay with it, but the procession goes inside. No longer do to rebuild this tragedy that so much damage has made us all as family and me in particular, as a person. How to get back to the truth and live well, in light of all ... no hard feelings. So I do know that I'm living, what I feel and it seems nobody cares. What I want to scream to see if they heard me. Untie that knot which chokes me for so long. Give space to the family, above any short-term convenience. Know if at some point in my life, and not when it is too late, I can also be a daughter first. One that can proudly show to the other parent. But especially those who are and will always be your own sisters. Mom understands that I am a woman and there is no intention to prosecute. Just accept the facts that no one can change ... not even hide with so many lies. Reassemble the family at some point, accepting the truth of who we are. The decision they made. Respect my right to be a daughter in every sense of the word, and at times only. I try to get you published, and for that I am here with two witnesses of emergency: my closest friend and a very dear cousin, to see if I get my dad to read to understand the damage done and makes us put an end once and for all with this farce that we as a family, and brings 24 years of concealment. But most of all graduate, to see if I at some point ... stop living in hiding!
has begun to gather the parties, even without permission of life. To try to rebuild in the flesh that lives in the blood ... what affect will eventually recognize. To find the scattered pieces and try to reassemble the life that social convention, fear, farce ... it broke from its source, but especially when became a woman and produced a stampede of questions. Has returned to find the oranges, the purples ... a color gray can appease both experienced. Both black mourning saved due to the truth that lies at the site of his paternal love. So many lies in so little time. The beginning of the end of this unjust prologue where it has remained stuck to her life. Both unexpected road access. Both bridge for fear of being crossed. Have you seen your father, now alien, lost many times in his other family ... and the scar of that wound, bleed every time the hidden or denied. A puzzle of questions, armed from the rage of a troubled family confusion ... the scorn of other burying his boots in that lesson recently be learned but can not say. Feel your shame, is not from the wrath of others ... is proper. Very particular. Is this product worth of knowing love, but in his own name, have to mourn the obligation to hide. Have felt about the fog, the tax net might not see everything. A change of way, not that he has had time to cross barefoot on the famous river. Today resents those who get a new light, without stopping the others. Of those who open new windows without closing theirs. Of those who lied before ... they lie today and always intended to lie. But others feel angry ... just sorry for what can not be resolved, yet still possible. Feels there is no desire on the other side, as much to his chagrin, Mom and Dad have not noticed, or did not want to be ... it is in your daughter's garden, where the embers still burning.
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